Episode 79: Healing Mother Wounds with Geraldine Crane

Geraldine Crane

Autumn Carter: This is episode 79

 Welcome to Wellness in Every Season, the podcast where we explore the rich tapestry of motherhood and wellness in all its forms. I'm your host, Autumn Carter, a certified life coach and parenting coach dedicated to empowering mothers to rediscover their identity beyond motherhood.

Find balance amidst chaos. Strengthen relationships and pursue their dreams. My goal is to help mothers thrive both as individuals and as parents.

Autumn Carter: I have Geraldine Crane with me today, and she is a serene spiritual mentor and hypnotherapist who specializes in helping women to rise and heal from a toxic relationship with their mother.

This resonated with me for the same reasons that she's going to be talking about. So I Asked her if we could just have a quick conversation before recording. So sorry you guys missed that, but we will still have a lot to talk about and you're gonna get still the back and forth with us. So you didn't miss too much.

I just wanted to tell her how excited I was that she's on.

she has a professional background. As a probation officer and later a domestic abuse recovery worker. So we could go in so many directions. I will let her tell us what led her to become who she is professionally and just take it away, dive in.

Geraldine Grane: Thank you for that. I work as a hypnotherapist and mentor and I support women who've had a difficult or toxic relationship with their mum, and really tackle those deep wounds which can look like people pleasing, not trusting yourself, anxiety, self doubt, the wounds that can be caused by having a difficult or toxic relationship with your mum run really deep, but they're massively wide ranging as well because in most people's lives, their most foundational relationship, and when it's not been happy, healthy, loving, and supportive, for whatever reason, it causes deep, deep wounds.

So I'm there to support women through that, and also provide safe spaces to talk about it, because there's still a lot of stigma around this. You know, if you talk openly about having a difficult relationship with your mother, you get vilified.

So I try and create safe spaces for women, because I work with women mainly, to come and talk about this and not feel judged. Also not feel any competition either, like, I will not allow my mother's worth in your mother. We, that's not allowed. It's just all about having that space to talk openly and honestly and with people who understand, because if you've not experienced it, it's not something you're likely going to understand.

I came to do this work. I kind of feel like my whole life has been building towards doing this work. So, cause I work spiritually, but I also bring in my professional background. So as you said, I was a probation officer. I also worked in substance misuse for a while and worked with addiction. And there's a lot of crossovers between addiction and toxic relationships.

I left probation to work in women's charities supporting women who'd experienced domestic abuse. But whilst doing that work, I was also having children, becoming a mother myself, and was accessing counselling. Which I started going to counselling because I was struggling to breastfeed, but while I was there, she was just kind of looking at me, like, realize you're talking about your mother a lot.

I was like, it doesn't surprise me. But through working with her, through being a mother myself, and getting this domestic abuse training, I was starting to really realize that a lot of these forms of abuse that was helping, The women I worked with to understand, I was experiencing myself and had been for a very long time in different ways to the way they were experiencing them, but they were very familiar.

luckily I moved on and worked with another charity. And. Worked with a counselor and she really helped me to realize how unhealthy the relationship was.

And then I lost that job working at the women's charity and I was devastated. I absolutely loved it. And the anxiety I'd been battling since I was a teenager really skyrocketed. it got severe and I was not being the mother I wanted to be to my children. I was struggling to make basic decisions about what to wear and what to eat.

I wasn't coping. So I was back with my counselor again for the third time. And she just said to me, look, what would life look like without your mother in it? And I was just, I can't do that. I love her. We had a deeply enmeshed relationship and this was because I'd become her carer when I was 12 years old.

She'd had physical health issues, but she'd also had quite severe mental health issues. I not only took care of her physically and keeping the house tidy and washing clothes and preparing meals and things, I helped her clean. So very personal, physical stuff going on. But more what was causing the deepest wounds was being her confidant.

I was an extension of her and my life was becoming about her. and as I grew older and wanted some independence, she. got worse and got more manipulative and controlling and I started to feel like I was drowning. I was really stuck. So by the time, you know, and this just kept going on.

I mean, I was 37 by the time my counsellor said this to me and, I was still like, no, no, no, I love her. I can't, I can't, I can't get contact. And she was like, okay, but something has to change.

You need some boundaries in here. So we were talking about Christmas was coming up and my mother in law was coming to stay and my mother was supposed to be spending it with us as well.

And it was too much. They didn't get on. And I just wasn't going to cope with having them both in my house over Christmas while I was really still struggling just to decide what to eat. My poor husband was carrying a lot for me at that point. and I just thought, well, surely I can ask my own mother not to come on Christmas day.

There was somebody else she could spend it with. she should surely, having mental health issues herself, understand that I need space. But when I asked her, she Screamed and shouted and screamed and shouted a bit more. And there was a lot of accusations and what there was none of was any consideration for me and my needs and my health.

I was just the last priority and it clicked. It just clicked. I cannot heal. I cannot be the mother I want to be and know I can be to my children, with her in my life. Enough is enough. Enough is enough. And I text her and it sounds awful to end a relationship with your mother by text, but anybody who's been through it will understand why.

And I text her and she said, I can't do this anymore. I'm really sorry. you have to stay away from me and my family. They weren't the exact words. This was, seven years ago. So I don't remember the exact words, but it was awful. But once I'd done it and then I blocked her in my emails and, deleted the numerous arguments we'd had by text, I shut it all down.

The only way she was going to get in touch is if she turned up on my doorstep or wrote to me, which she never did.

When you cut contact like that. You then either collapse or you have to heal. And it just sent me on a really, really deep healing journey. And that healing journey led me back to my counselor and she helped me let go of the guilt and the shame. And then I started training as hypnotherapist, which helped me let go initially of just the deep fear.

Because when you've had a relationship like that with your mother, you're terrified. I was terrified of her. I was terrified of what she was going to do because there always underlying threats she may harm herself or worse, if I ever wasn't there for her the way she expected me to be.

It never happened, obviously. But there was some deep terror. The hypnotherapy really helped with that. But what the hypnotherapy also did was because it puts you into a deep state of trance, I reconnected with my spiritual side. Now I've been developing my spiritual side since I was 19. I joined a spiritual circle and discovered an ability to communicate with spirit guides and connect with other people's spirit guides as well.

And doing the hypnotherapy just reconnected me with all that. And my spirit guides helped me. We had never gone away, I'd always still felt them there, but the connection deepened. and they were such a source of support and guidance and reassurance, you're doing the right thing,

And they guided me to a spiritual coach that I worked with during lockdown, I just meditated and did lots of inner work on myself as well. And so by the time I came out of lockdown, I was a hypnotherapist, but realized. I need to wake with hypnotherapy a different way to the way a lot of people do.

I don't do smoking cessation or weight loss or anything like that. I help people connect with their own inner divinity. I help them connect with a source of power and love and peace within them. And through that bring healing and through that connect to their spirit guides and help them heal that way.

And then eventually I've also trained child healing And built it that way. And that's how I've come through these to really fine tune to working with women around mother wounds. I do help and support people with different issues using these same tools, but that's my specialism.

And I developed, What I call the serene way of working.

So I take women through first understanding what a toxic relationship with your mother looks like, feels like, the impact of it, why it may have got that way. But then really focus on them as an individual. put mum to one side, because that's not Where the healing needs to be, she's responsible for her, I focus on the individual, and I take them through the serene way, which serene stands for stillness, emotions, reconnection, energy, now, and empowerment, and it's taking them through getting still, reconnecting with themselves, working with their emotions, not against them, reconnecting with who they really are.

Not who they've been told they are, also reconnecting with their spiritual self, knowing that they're so much more than their mind and their body and how much support there is through that. Then working around the energy, how they protect their energy, but also how they get into flow. We then look at being present in the moment, so not getting lost in memories and not getting lost in future, imagined futures,

Staying very present in the moment, in the now, because that is where you connect with yourself. And then empowerment is just find your tribe, be who you really are, love and honor that. So I always work one to one or in groups. with women through that process, alongside spiritual connection, spiritual work, meditation, spiritual hypnotherapy, guiding you into healing.

So yeah, it all leads me to where I am now. I just feel like everything I've done has prepared me for this job.

Autumn Carter: And I was worried because I forgot my water.

Okay.

There's several things that I wanna circle back on and I, I hope that the question I'm gonna ask doesn't trigger.

I wanna, so we tend to judge when we're scared, Mm-Hmm. . So for the people who are judging your decision, and who are, I can't do that. And also, how could she do that? Knowing that her mom relied on her so much. I was in a similar situation with my dad.

but this is about you. So I want your story. It's so much better than mine. Anyway, let's talk to women who are struggling with that. Like they're judging you because they want to do that, but they're not sure how to do that.

Geraldine Grane: Yeah, no, no, no, no, it's fine. It's a very emotional subject. There's no way about talking about this clinically. It's an extremely emotional subject. And when I work with women around this, yeah. Never, ever do I tell anybody they need to cut contact, never. And there are times when I can work with people to manage a way of having contact, but looking after themselves through that.

in fact, a lot of the women I work with haven't cut contact, but sometimes it's the only choice left. If your mental health is suffering to a point, I was losing my temper with my children, my daughter's autistic and learning disabled. And then that point, when I cut contact, we were just in the process of her being diagnosed and life was hard.

She, you know, my, my daughter was really struggling and I was really struggling to know how to be with her. And there was times I was losing my temper and throwing her on sofas and she never got hurt, but behaving in ways that. I would never behave now because I'm so much more able to regulate my own emotions and be that safe space for them, but I wasn't at that point.

And so it becomes a choice between my own sanity and well being and my children and my husband or my mother's. And she is a grown woman, and she was not taking responsibility for her own stuff. And actually what can happen a lot of the time is When we stay in that role of carer, we disempower them from finding out ways to take care of themselves.

Like, she's okay, probably may argue with me saying that, but, you know, she's alive still. she's surviving and doing quite well in certain areas of her life as far as I know. she certainly has never hurt herself. She's never done any of the things that were threatened.

There was one point I was, living in London with my now husband and. She would ring me five times a day. And we once were in our flat and this is before we all had mobile phones. I was in the flat and she rang and I was busy. I was doing something with a friend that was there. So I was like, well, I'll ring her back, you know, and we just left it and it rang and it rang and it rang and my husband was just like, you're going to have to pick it up.

We know it's your mom, you're going to have to pick it up. And it wasn't that I was like ignoring her. I had full intention to ring back, but. And when I picked up the phone, not for one second did she check, had I just walked in the building? Had I been doing something? Was there something up with me that there may be of a reason?

No. She screamed at me. I could be dead at the bottom of the stairs. I could be suicidal. I could be hurting myself and you're not answering the phone. It was just like, oh my god. For a start, if any of those things are going on, I'm 200 miles away. Why are you bringing me, you know, and it was just always on me.

I was always the bottom as far as the needs were concerned. and you can't live like that. You can't. And what I would always say there is this. Argument that always goes on about, she's your mother, you owe her. You don't owe your mother. When you give birth, you commit to the child.

They do not commit to you. You're the one committing to being the mother. It's not the other way around. You know, I even said to my son the other day, he's obviously worried about me. I'm going through health issues at the minute. And I said to him, he couldn't come and see me in the hospital the other day.

And he was really, he's like, I'm so sorry. I said, Harry. You don't owe me anything. I understand that you find hospitals difficult. We lost my mother in law a couple of years ago now. it's hard for him to go into hospitals. I said, you don't owe me that pain.

Like, that's okay. I know you love me. I knew you were waiting outside in the car park for me. I was ready for my cuddle. It's alright. You don't owe me anything. And I think as mothers, that's the way we should be. We give them roots and we give them wings. We don't then shackle them to us.

Autumn Carter: At least have the Kleenex nearby. Apparently it wouldn't be that over my water. Wow. okay. So much to be learned here.

So, I'm sure it would be interesting, what was your husband's take on this? Like, he had to be very patient as you learned and figured out, figured your own way out of this. I know that was very similar with mine, and we talk about that, and I'm just like, You have so much patience to have put up with all of that before I finally cut tie.

So tell me, tell me a little bit about that. And then if you can give some takeaways for those that are trying to Help a family member out of it, and then trying to figure out how to distance themselves from this enmeshment, this toxicity, this Codependency. So talk to us about those things. I gave you several. So yeah,

Geraldine Grane: let's start with the husband, shall we? my husband had to be very careful because I was deeply enmeshed and for a long time thought the shone out of my mother. And yes, that got less and less as the relationship got more tense.

but she'd done a really good job of, it's a horrible word, but grooming me to see her a certain way. So I saw her through very rose tinted glasses and he could see her very clearly, but knew he couldn't say anything. He would just be there for me. Even on our first proper, I went to visit him in London, our first weekend together.

We'd only, you know, really got together three weeks earlier and I went to stay with him and he drove me down to Brighton, which is right on the coast of England. She rang while we were driving down. I still can't remember what she said, but I was in tears. She was making me feel guilty for something, and he just had to hold that space.

And I said to him recently actually, Why on earth, like, why would you take that on? Like, That was three weeks in and you, you were having to deal with this heavy weight and it just, I loved you, you know, it was just, it wasn't a question for him. But yes, he had to keep very quiet, but once I started doing the work with the counsellor and things started coming up, he just backed it up.

He just very carefully backed it up and when I finally cut contact, it was like a weight just came off him. It was just like, oh my God, thank God, you know, and it's funny because when there's been times of, even just mentioning and passing, I've never considered having contact with her again.

But even just speaking about it, you can see his whole body goes like, oh my God, no, like really tenses up, bless him. and, I would never do it to him, I would never do it to me, I would never do it to my children, but it's realizing it's not just about you, it really does impact everybody who really loves you.

I've even had friends who I was at university with, and I met up with him recently, and the first thing he said to me was, please tell me you haven't. gone back in contact with your mom. It's like, no, no, no. And that's because he had a very toxic relationship with his mother, but never cut contact. I'm afraid she passed.

but he always wished he'd been brave enough to do it. And he said, please tell me you haven't. I was like, no, I haven't. But he saw it. He saw her, you know, how bad she could be and how, The way she treated me. So it affects so many people. So when you start serving yourself and start taking care of yourself and loving yourself and doing what you need to do to be well and to be happy, it's not selfish.

In fact, the people who really love you, it will only benefit them. And it's really important to realize that and accept that. So I would say for some of the main tips I would give is one, let go of forgiveness.

Put that to one side. One, you can't force forgiveness, and when we try, we can end up punishing and feeling horrible about ourselves. That's not serving anyone. Put that to one side. Focus on acceptance. First of all, you have to accept the way she is, and it's probably unlikely she's going to change, because people like that don't go to therapy and do the inner work to change.

They cause everybody else to. So you have to accept she's not going to change and you can't change her. But also accept the way she treated you is not your fault. It's not.

It never was your fault. However, the wounds that it's caused within you are your responsibility to heal. And you owe that to yourself.

You owe that to the people who love you. And you have to accept that you have the power to do that, and you have the right to do that. And that's what's really important. That's why I never focus on forgiveness, focus on acceptance. And you have to, one of the keys is just accepting she's not going to change, and it's not your fault.

Autumn Carter: Dang, because I don't either. You might be struggling with having the bravery to do this because it takes a lot of bravery. It does, yeah. And especially the not backing down. Not having it be one of those, like, yo yo relationships.

you are being the example to your children, to that friend.

I mean, I got goosebumps when you were saying that, it just, and you are healing generational trauma. Because let's look back, what was your grandmother like?

Geraldine Grane: I loved my grandmother to pieces, but, she was a fantastic grandmother.

I think she didn't get everything right as a mother.

Autumn Carter: Or maybe she gave your mom the moon and stars and that's why she behaved that way. Like there's different ways.

Geraldine Grane: Yeah, no, I mean, there were, difficulties in that. She wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great. I think there was some issues with both mom and dad and just being very much, of their generation, not really knowing how to, support.

I do think there mental health issues from my mom being young and they didn't know how to deal with that. it's complicated, but I Always say, don't focus too much on why your mum's the way she is or where it came from. Other than, accept it's not your fault.

Because you can start believing, well, I can fix it, I can help her work through this. Or, you can end up really focusing on your mum and her wounds when actually what you need to do is focus on yourself.

And it sounds really selfish, but to heal you have to focus on yourself.

Focusing on someone else. it's not gonna work, but it's also, letting go of blaming, of blaming anyone, blaming the grandparents, blaming the generational wounds, blaming society. All of that keeps you in the past.

Autumn Carter: I think it's more about curiosity and understanding that you can then change it.

So tell me, How is it not selfish?

Geraldine Grane: So it's really important that you stay very present with yourself. If we're going into the past all the time and looking at other people, you're not being with yourself. And to do the healing, you have to focus on you. Nobody else can heal your wounds for you and you can't heal anybody else's.

The best way you can serve other people, particularly the ones you love, is to heal your own wounds. Because imagine if your mother had done that. Just imagine what would have happened if your mother had been selfish enough to heal her own wounds.

You wouldn't be dealing with what you're dealing with. You know, so if you really want to serve those people who really love you, you have to take the time to do the healing work in whichever way that is for you. Everybody's different and the way you do it is different and that's okay. What I would say is it's really important to not do it alone.

It's really hard. The emotional rollercoaster I went through when I cut my, I don't think there was an emotion I didn't experience sometimes on a daily basis. You need support with that. I would say you need professional support from somebody Who understands toxic relationships, particularly mother daughter toxic relationships.

But I would also say that you need to have peer support. So you need to be able to talk to other people who understand. It's paramount in just feeling that sense of Belonging, feeling that sense of being understood, not being judged is really, really important. And that's why, you know, I run group programs.

It's wonderful doing one to one work with people, but in the groups, the bond that comes between these women, because they get it

She's back in my life. And everybody's like, oh dear, let's do it again. There's no judgment. There's no like, you stupid, why have you done that? but it's just, yeah, We get it. It's your mom, you know, it's, You, your inner child craves a mother, the problem is. The mother you crave is often not the one you've got, so that can cause so many problems and it has to come down to loving yourself.

And when I talk about loving yourself, it's not thinking you are the best thing ever. It's not always just concentrating on yourself. Self love is giving yourself the patience, compassion and kindness you would give to anybody you love dearly. So it's when you make a mistake, when you get things wrong, not talking to yourself harshly, not being horrible to yourself, but just, Oh, bless me.

There I go. You know, and it's just having that patience. You know, if a child falls off a bike, you don't go running, shouting at them, you know, why did you do that? Stupid. Why you're stupid. all the women I work with are beautifully, highly sensitive, empathic, gorgeous people.

They would never talk to anybody like that, but they regularly talk to themselves like that. And that's where self love is key because it's catching that and realizing. I'm worthy of tenderness, I'm worthy of patience and kindness and compassion, and it's bringing yourself that. There's a wonderful, woman who works in a very similar line to me, called Bethany Webster, and she talks about discovering your inner mother.

And it's giving yourself that mothering. The best way of getting that is by connecting with yourself spiritually and connecting with your spirit guides and that love comes through and guides you to loving yourself. But there are different ways of doing it. The most important thing is you love yourself and you have that kindness and patience with yourself.

Autumn Carter: Let's talk about the spirit guide.

And connecting with that and what that looks like, because you've mentioned it so many times. Let's go there instead of the questions that were bubbling up for me.

Geraldine Grane: No, that's fine. But feel free to ask those as well.

so spirit guides, I've been connecting with spirit guides since I was 19. I think I've been connecting with them before that, but, it was 19 that I met a spiritual teacher and joined a spiritual development circle and discovered this ability to connect with spirit guides. And spirit guides are energies.

that are focused on you and supporting you. It can include, a guardian angel. It can include past relatives, ancestors, animals. You wouldn't believe actually what I've experienced through doing this work, but you have a main guide who's been with you life after life after life, but you also have a gatekeeper on your right hand side, they're a protection, and they've been with you since you were born.

So. certain guides are with you from birth. And then some guides will join you as you go along your journey maybe a past relative or because you're evolving in some way and you need that extra support. And then you'll have certain guides that will come in and out when you need them.

when you connect with your spirit guides, they are an unending source of unconditional love. So much so that when I've connected some people through hypnosis with their spirit guides, they just can't stop crying. And it's not crying as in they're in pain, it's crying of, Oh my God, this is so beautiful.

And it's just such an unconditional love that it can't help but bring healing. Because your spirit guides know how precious you are, they cherish you, and they love you no matter what. So they help you to do that. And that's what I've found are the most powerful ways to help the women I work with, is connecting them with that.

Because then they start to see for themselves. The guides guide them to it. And I can also, in hypnosis, I help people, rather than me telling you and doing readings and telling you about your guides, you meet them for yourself, you feel that love for yourself, and you build that relationship with them. So you start connecting them when I'm not even there, which is great.

But they also can, through that hypnosis, guide us to where your healing needs to take place. So, to inner child, past life, whatever, it can be certain chakras we suddenly work through. It's very emotional. I always say to women, don't wear mascara because it will be down your face.

Don't, don't do it. It's deep, emotional work, but it's very, very beautiful. It's very powerful. the love that comes through the impact it has is phenomenal. And I know because it's. Everything that I do with women I've had with myself, and it's still going on, you know, I'm quite happy to share that I have recently been diagnosed with, breast cancer and it's in situ, so it's the safest it could be, but I'm having to have a mastectomy to make sure that it's all gone, and it's been a lot, but through that, the strength and support that I get, through my spiritual connection to them and to my own inner divinity, as I like to call it, your intuition, that part of you that's connected to a divine intelligence, however you want to describe it is fine with me, that has given me such strength and resilience and peace.

I mean, I still have days where, you know, for the first few days, I didn't stop crying. But I allowed that. I allowed myself that space. I gave myself that permission. and they supported me in that, you know. I can feel, it was funny, when I first got the diagnosis, my spirit guides were so close.

they were like on my face, they were like squished in around me. I couldn't even separate which energy was which, they were just, we've got you, we're here. And then they slowly, as the shock kind of laid off, they backed off a bit. even coming out of my operation, I had a minor operation yesterday, and as I'm coming out of the operation, I could feel my grandmother with me, clear as day, just holding my hand.

I've got you, sweetheart, you know, And if I can bring that to women who've not experienced unconditional love from their mothers, wow, it's just beautiful. I love it.

Autumn Carter: Okay, so you're going to have women that are listening far in, and they're like, okay, sign me up. How do I do this?

Geraldine Grane: Yeah.

Autumn Carter: So,

Geraldine Grane: there's different ways of working with me. You can come and just have a reading with me for an hour. I charge 45 quid for that at the minute, which is 45 pounds.

and it's just an hour for me see what's coming up. And it gives you a chance to get to see how you feel working with me. How does that feel? Does that feel safe? if that doesn't feel a good fit, that's absolutely fine. I want people to work with me because feel safe and want to work with me.

So it's a really good opportunity to kind of dip your feet in. But to do the deep work, to do the hypnotherapy, the sessions are two hours, and it's 145, because we go deep and I do a lot. Can it be virtual? Yes, online or face to face. I have a beautiful therapy room in my back garden. But yeah, it works really well online.

It works really well because your headphones like I'm right there with you. So yeah, it works beautifully. And I don't do a set of sessions because some people do a few sessions with me and they're fine. Some people I work with for years. everybody's different and the way that you work is different and I'm led by you.

You know, because it's, runs deep. This is not something that you can promise to fix within a few sessions. so I'm really led by the women I support. and then I have a group evergreen program, which I will be relaunching later this year. I'm afraid it's been postponed because of my diagnosis and having to have this operation.

the modules go through the serene way. So there's an understanding module, stillness module, motions module, and each one has videos, journal prompts, written exercises, guided reading, but we also meet up every, two weeks and one's the spiritual meet and one's a share where we just.

And you only have to share what you feel comfortable to share, but it's amazing how beautiful those sessions are. And that's about getting that community around you. but there's the videos and things you can do in your own time. we bring it up and we discuss it in the groups.

and I don't actually know how much I'm charging for that at the minute. I have a feeling it'd be around about 45 pounds a month. I built it when I first started building the program, there was nothing there. The women just joined. And as I went through each month, I would make the videos, they would feed it back to me, and then we would develop it and those women, a lot of those women are still with me in the program.

and it's really powerful. It's really effective. It really helps these women. And some still can work with me a bit one to one and some haven't. And that's fine. and I am at the minute turning it into a book. So as to where and how that's going to get published, I'm working on, but yeah, it's going to be a book as well.

So I'm trying to make it so I'm as accessible to people as I can be. So there's different ways of coming. to work with me. and I also have a free group on Facebook, which is called Serene Spiritual and Empowered. it's a free space. I come and do readings every Friday, around 2:00 PM UK time.

I can often do 17 readings on a Friday and I'm exhausted afterwards, but it's just a chance to touch base with them, to touch base with me, get a bit of spiritual guidance. But the group is, is there to talk about mother wounds, to talk about spiritual connection and healing and it's a really beautiful space.

The women in there are. Just gorgeous. And like I say, it's not one of those communities where there's any competition for who's got the worst mother, because I've seen that in other groups. there is no comparison, there is no competition and there is no judgment. That is not allowed around me. it's all just about loving and supporting each other through it.

Autumn Carter: What comes to mind when doing the comparison of who has the worst mother is Sometimes it's not the mother's actions, compared to the impact that it has on the child. Are you more in tune with your emotions as a child? Do certain things trigger you in certain I feel like there's just so much there that why are you comparing?

Geraldine Grane: Yeah, you can't compare. It's like two people can get a cold and experience it completely differently. It's not about how bad her behavior is. It's about how we feel. And actually, there is a massive variety in the different experiences the women have had in the group.

But the wounds are often quite similar. They can be of different levels it's still the people pleasing, the feeling responsible for everybody else's well being, you know, feeling that your worth depends on how useful you are to other people. You know, there's, all those wounds and there is the hyper independence that can come up, particularly if the mother was very cold.

the wounds are what we focus on because we won't focus on, Healing and moving on and rising and thriving.

Autumn Carter: Yeah. And you mentioned in the outline that I gave you, ADHD and trauma, about how those are related. And I actually had a therapist on.

It was very interesting that the brain looks the same with trauma and ADHD. So it was interesting that you mentioned that in the outline that I, that we wrote out.

Oh, was there anything else that you wanted to share before you tell us all the ways to contact you?

Geraldine Grane: I can't think, as far as the ADHD is concerned is, I really believe You can inherit a propensity to it and then trauma can trigger it. there is some overlaps as well with complex PTSD, which a lot of the women I work with, and I believe myself suffer with complex PTSD.

And it's just being aware of these things it is worth getting assessed because it can bring a much deeper understanding and compassion for yourself. And that can really help on your healing journey as well.

Autumn Carter: When you are ready with your book, let's have you on again.

Geraldine Grane: Oh, yes.

Autumn Carter: Absolutely.

Geraldine Grane: Definitely.

Autumn Carter: And then you have geraldinecrane. com,

Geraldine Grane: Wonderful.

Autumn Carter: Anything else?

Geraldine Grane: No, that's all the ways to connect with me.

Autumn Carter: much for being on and for letting me chit chat with you right before because like, I'm super excited that you're talking about this. I struggled with the same things with both sets of parents, their divorce, so it's sets for me and it's really hard. And trying to explain to my children why my in laws are in their life, but mine aren't in their life and explaining mental health and how people can look healthy on the outside and not be healthy on the inside.

And it's opened up a lot of conversations, but it took me feeling confident and comfortable and healed enough to be able to discuss it. Thankfully they're still young. therapy is amazing. And so is coaching for all of those reasons. If you really want deep healing, it helps. you're not going to get there on your own.

Geraldine Grane: don't, don't do it on your own. It's just too hard. It's too painful.

Autumn Carter: Well, thank you so much again. And I look forward to following along on your journey and good luck with your surgery and everything else. That is very difficult and I am impressed with the strength that you are showing and the groundedness that you have through all of this.

I can tell that you have definitely done a lot of work to be able to feel this way and to be at this point in your diagnosis and your journey. And I'm so grateful that it is a smaller diagnosis of cancer.

Geraldine Grane: it's the best of the bad, if you know what I mean.

I actually was talking to my surgeon about it and I said, I know it's the best of the bad bunch, but it's still awful. He said, yep, it's still awful. I sound very calm and peaceful about it now, but trust me, there's moments when I'm not and it's okay not to be. Wait, you're human?

Yeah, exactly. had days and days of just crying. There's moments where catches me because there's a lot of grief around it. it affects everybody so differently and the way you need to deal with it is different. I would encourage anyone just to honor that, whatever you're dealing with.

nobody's got it all sorted. Nobody.

Autumn Carter: I think it's our outward sign of us being a female.

Geraldine Grane: If you've

Autumn Carter: nursed, there's so much tied in it. There's the societal, there's our own, there's a lot there.

Geraldine Grane: There's all sorts.

Autumn Carter: Yeah.

Geraldine Grane: There's a lot to deal with.

Autumn Carter: Well, we will be giving you good vibes because everybody listening will be doing the same and sending you prayers and any other that they have, they will be sending your way.

Geraldine Grane: take it all.

Autumn Carter: right.

Geraldine Grane: Thank you.

Autumn Carter: Thank you for joining me on Wellness in Every Season. Remember to take time to relax, heal, and be present. Next week, we will be talking about how to play. This is an idea from Geraldine. We talked about it right after I hit stop recording. So I'm very excited to talk to you about this next week.

thanks for tuning into this week's episode. I am your host Autumn Carter, a certified life coach and parenting coach Dedicated to empowering mothers to rediscover their identity beyond motherhood, find balance amidst chaos, Strengthen relationships, and pursue their dreams.

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