Episode 85: Post Divorce Recovery with Sherille Marquez

Sherille Marquez

Autumn Carter: This is episode 86

 Welcome to Wellness in Every Season, the podcast where we explore the rich tapestry of motherhood and wellness in all its forms. I'm your host, Autumn Carter, a certified life coach and parenting coach dedicated to empowering mothers to rediscover their identity beyond motherhood.

Find balance amidst chaos. Strengthen relationships and pursue their dreams. My goal is to help mothers thrive both as individuals and as parents.

Autumn Carter: Today I have with me Sherelle Marquez. She is a thought leader, author, and founder who guides divorce women through transformative changes, drawing inspiration from her own journey of overcoming a devastating divorce.

Tell us a little bit about that and a little bit about your journey, please.

Sherelle Marquez: Thank you so much for having me, Autumn. Hello to your amazing audience. I'm actually a transformational coach for divorced women. And the reason for that, is because when we just say divorce coach,

It implies that guiding women through the process of divorce. However, that's not where I come in. I come in when the papers are signed. they still feel stuck where they think that, Oh my gosh, I should be farther along. Why am I repeating the same patterns of just attracting the wrong people?

Autumn Carter: Let's say that they're ready to date. So I come in after the fact. And I guide them to reinventing themselves and their lives. This feels so aligned I wish I could say I planned this out, but I did not. So the person that I interviewed right before you, she is somebody who is a breakup, she calls herself the breakup doctor.

So it's for people who are thinking, should I break up with them, should I not? And it's through that part, so having you come on. You are after that when you're just stuck, you're dating the wrong people or maybe you're afraid to date again.

 You're just stuck in that rut. So tell us more about that. And then I'm really excited to hear about your journey.

Sherelle Marquez: Thank you, Autumn. The reason why I am really focused on that part of the journey is because I went through that. I was so lost and disconnected from myself after being married for 13 years and also did not even realize that I was co dependent because I never had an opportunity.

to know myself. And I got married when I was 22. So fast forward to the end of my marriage when I discovered that my Ex was having an affair. I knew right away that I was not going to have that because I knew I deserved better.

My children deserve better. And from that point on, I said Divorce is what's going to happen. And so I thought I was just going to one, two, three, the whole process, I know how to build, I'm a high performing women. And that's why my target audience is also high performing divorced women.

So along my journey, My friends even thought I was an alien Because they're seeing me just purging my house, selling my ring, buying a bicycle, just doing these things. And then a month later, the feelings, the emotions, and it was the first time in my life I've ever even experienced depression.

In fact, Autumn, I didn't even know what depression felt like. I could only articulate it as a dark cloud hanging over me. I felt like I lost my mojo, air quotes, because I didn't know how to name it. I had no clue. I'm a happy person. And even having my child go through cancer when he was three years old and I was six months pregnant at the same time, several years before my divorce.

This one was a personal, like personal journey. The other ones started my transformation with holistic lifestyle like really leaning in faith, but this one was different. It was just a process of self discovery.

Autumn Carter: And so that's why I think it's really important for us to be passionate about helping divorced women reconnect with the truth of who they are, because we women, we are so amazing. W

hy did you know that you were worth more than that? More than sticking around?

I knew what I brought to the table and I was not afraid to eat alone. I knew my value. I knew my worth. I knew that I was not perfect by any means, but I definitely gave my best. And there's something to be said when you give your best, not perfect, and your best could be 60 percent one day.

Sherelle Marquez: Your best could be 90 percent one day, but when you give something your best, you have no regrets because you did the best that you could. Immediately say, I don't deserve this and neither do my Children.

Autumn Carter: And In your outline, you said that you wanted to get rid of the preconceived notion that it is a broken home.

How does that correlate with you giving your best to your children? Because I know so many women hold on way longer than they should, and are giving such a bad example that their children are likely to perpetuate it. Speak to this part of how it's not a broken home and how it can actually be so much better.

Like you divorcing him was better than you sticking around. So speak to that for those women.

Sherelle Marquez: Absolutely. So for myself, I knew myself enough at that point that I was going to be very distracted with questioning whether or not my husband is being true to me, which takes away my focus from being present with my Children.

And for me, the best thing I could ever do in this lifetime, my number one ultimate goal really is to be the best mom I can be. So the bottom line for me is that anything or anyone or any situation is going to take me away from being the best I can be. Mom, I can be, it has to go. And I was in love, we were married for 13 years, but that is not enough for me to stay in a situation that's going to make me unhappy, which means my kids are going to have an unhappy mom and what kind of life would they have?

And I don't know if you know this, but research has shown that Between the happiness of mothers and fathers, it's actually the mother's happiness that carries through to the children. So that's why I am very passionate about breaking the stigma, changing the narrative that children of divorced homes are broken.

That's not true. My kids are resilient. They know that they're capable and they are thriving. But again, Autumn, it starts, with the work that we do with ourselves as the mother, as a single mom.

you have to do the work.

Autumn Carter: Maybe that's why you bought yourself a bicycle.

Sherelle Marquez: Yeah, I'm like, you know what, hey this ring is not serving any purpose, neither is all these other memories so let me just buy myself a bicycle and have some clear peace of mind, that was my time and my gosh, I was like Lance Armstrong, two testicles though.

Autumn Carter: Maybe without all the steroids. Yeah,

Sherelle Marquez: but yeah, natural and also with two testicles. That's how hard I was pedaling because I was, all my emotions, I was just pouring out into my workouts. The bike just the anger and frustration. Also, I gained 28 pounds in eight months. Not even knowing that this was emotional eating at its core.

I was my go to were chips and i'd read a book in light of the moon and it shows you that the different types of food represents an emotion. So for me, the chips the crunching was anger and frustration. And it was so timely and perfect because I was going through the paperwork and he was actually still in my home and I would have to leave that way.

I could create stability my kids as he figured out his living situation. So I was still doing my best to have stability for my kids with a very unstable situation that's happening. So my body showed the stress, the chaos. It took me 10 years to even grow a couple inches in my hair because it was falling out.

I didn't even realize it was falling out, but finally my hair started growing when the dust started settling and yeah, grew a crazy amount, like four inches in a year. it was insane. She has beautiful hair

Autumn Carter: PS.

Sherelle Marquez: Oh, thank you.

Autumn Carter: It looks very healthy and thick.

Sherelle Marquez: Yeah, now it's better.

Autumn Carter: Thank you for speaking to that. I was often told I grew up in a broken home because my parents were divorced, but no, it was all the trauma and abuse and everything else. So what I was thinking when you were talking about that is how it can be a broken home with the family still intact.

Because it is shredded, broken, abusive, screaming, whatever is happening, or maybe silent treatment. Maybe it's just really quiet and silent and isolated. There's so many different ways that it can be broken with the family still. Are they really intact?

That's a different story, but thank you for speaking to that.

So now that we got that out of the way, let's talk about what you're really here to talk about, which is what you do and how you work and your ideal clients. Let's talk about the stuff that's. Lighter and happier and you're more passionate about.

Sherelle Marquez: Oh, I'm passionate about all of it. yes, the intensity in which I tell my stories is because I'm a very vivid, like I have a very vivid imagination and it just, not that it's a story, but still, even when you're watching a movie, you get emotionally tied. So there is an emotion to it, but the pain is not there.

It's the memory. So that's why it's so strong and like you could see my face Maybe it's in my voice. How passionate I am, but That's why, for me, this is one of the biggest things, legacy, I can leave here in this earth, besides raising two solid men.

 They're young men right now, but going back to your question, Autumn, I love helping. Divorced women who are just lost and they are telling themselves, wait a second, I'm a high performer. I'm a professional. And so I don't understand why I'm making bad choices. My divorce happened a year, two years ago, six months ago, five years ago.

And yet I'm stuck. Like I feel like life, I'm just, it's like roundhog's day and I'm just getting by. So that's where I come in because I experienced the same thing there's a time and a place for traditional conventional therapy. Unfortunately for me, it didn't work. I needed something more even though I spoke to three different therapists,

It was just not, didn't apply for me. Like a lot of it was more talk therapy, as opposed to what I love about coaching is that it's not perpetual. There is an end date. We have a goal. And that is to do the inner work to and I'm a guide. I'm a mentor. That's how I see myself.

I see myself as a guide and a mentor, because Truthfully, Adam, you probably already know this, inherently we have all the answers within ourselves. It's just the process of undoing all of the programming that we have been taught and conditioned from the time that we have been in our mother's womb in the third trimester.

This is what epigenetics talks about. Your environment shapes who you are up until the age you're seven. Can you imagine being told, you're this, you're that, and then you go through your life with all of this different sets of conditioning programming. We're not taught anything really that would help us in the real life, I believe, at school.

Reading, yes. Math, some, yes. But unless you're gonna be like a mechanical engineer, teach us how to be a good person. Teach us some fundamentals like financial literacy. Look at where America is right now with all the debt. that's why for me, I resonate so deeply with my clientele is because I've been there.

I've made all the mistakes And it doesn't have to be that way. And it doesn't have to take them that long either, because I've already done it. been tried and tested. And from personal experience, not just theoretically, you can't read things off of a book of training and not have the life experience.

And that's why my transformations with my clients it's quick and powerful and everlasting. because I teach them all the tools. And the tools are a blend of empirical science, alternative healing modalities. I'm trained in past life regression hypnosis. So I deal a lot with the subconscious mind.

I'm also trained in Reiki energy healing. And so with all of these different components, plus you add the personal life experience my gosh, let's just go. You want to heal. I don't take everyone as a client. I have to vet them out. They have to go through a whole process and that's because I'm only working with women who are serious that they want change because if you're wishy washy and you're not sure, unless you do the practical application, you have to do the work too.

It's not gonna work.

Autumn Carter: It's not one of those, take my money and yay, I'm healed. It's, you have to put in the deep work to actually have the healing. It's thinking of it like a deep wound and you need to heal it layer by layer. You could have the little scab on top, but when there's that deep wound, if anything happens to it, That deep wound is still there.

You need to heal all the deep layers. So I love what you're saying here. It's what I love about coaching is you don't have to have the answers as a coach. It's giving the space for other people to have the answers, giving them tools from your toolbox. Asking questions, and most of all, just giving them the sacred space for it.

Sherelle Marquez: Yep, meeting them where they're at and guiding them and leading them, and really illuminating the fact that, wow, you are this powerful and infinite being, you just forgot. I forgot for so long, with all of the different roles that I played. That we play, especially as women, especially me having my culture is Filipino, my gosh, all the traditions and all of this and yeah, without going off on a tangent.

In fact, when I made a decision immediately that I wanted to get a divorce right away, a lot of my who are very traditional, they said I. I don't think that's a good idea, give him a chance. And I told them how they're like, give him a chance, it's an accident. I'm like, how the hell is cheating an accident?

I've always been, not necessarily the black sheep, but the different one. from the family. I like crystals. I like, Filipinos don't do that. They're very just hardcore religious and spirituality is just something, a new concept now that like as consciousness shifts, Just collectively like they're also waking up to it.

Thank God. But in my framework in my she thrives Academy. I teach all of these things and the framework is Phoenix rising because truly you have to die. The old version of you in order for you to emerge into something better. Whatever that better is to you. That's your choice.

What that looks like for you. And I'm their guide and mentor.

Autumn Carter: I love that.

What is the name of your book?

Sherelle Marquez: Yes, actually when I filled out the form, I was just an author and now I'm a bestselling author. It is an. Anthology, a collaborative book, it's called By the Light of the Moon, and we hit number one in four categories, like women's inspirational spirituality, and all those different things.

Pick it up guys, it's available at Barnes and Nobles or Amazon, it's called By the Light of the Moon.

Autumn Carter: And she will give me the link, so it will be in the show notes, and In the transcript, so you will find it. Okay, so you have a really great place for us to connect with you in a free way.

And it looks like it's on Instagram, and you have freebies on your website. And we can get to your email list.

So tell us about those things.

Sherelle Marquez: Also Autumn because I know how to quantum leap, I quantum leap myself in my life too. And in fact with my hyper focus on business I have a podcast too,

Autumn Carter: it.

Sherelle Marquez: Oh by the way, first of all, I have so much respect for you podcaster.

I did not know how much it took to have a podcast. I thought I was gonna write a script, record it, and then upload it, and that was that. Oh my gosh, there is so much more. So Okay, my podcast is called It Gets Better From Here, because honestly, ladies, or our audience, no matter what you're going through, no matter how old you are, it does get better from here.

But the choice is yours. Perfect title.

Autumn Carter: I love that title.

Sherelle Marquez: Thank you. So it gets better from here is released every Monday at 7 AM Pacific, and it is designed to help empower and provide free tips and resources to divorce women and single moms. I have solo episodes. I also interviewed some phenomenal guests

I'm so excited to share this season one Ended maybe two weeks ago. I just started season two and just only after the first season. We have already hit the top 10%.

Autumn Carter: That's amazing.

Sherelle Marquez: Out of 3 million. Thank you. I'm so new to this whole thing, but I'm really excited about that.

I'm like, dang 1 percent is my goal in one year. So to hit that in one season 10 percent I'm like, we're doing something right. And all that means, honestly, it's not even about Oh, 10%. Yay. It's about the impact that means that I'm More. Yes, more people, which means it's helping more. That is the ultimate goal here is to have a global impact to help these women and single moms

I'm also going to have my vision. And maybe I don't know, two, three years, but who knows how fast it's going to come in is to have a nonprofit to provide free resources in an immersive way. Like my academy. My academy is an immersive experience. It's not just a module that you're watching and I'm teaching you that way.

They actually meet with my human design expert. They have three hours with a human design expert. And if you don't know what human design is, we can explore that later, but it's basically a blueprint of who you are. No one is like you and you can use it or not use it, but it's a powerful way to get to know yourself.

They also have six sessions with me. And that's why in three months time, unless you just forgot about the academy, there's no way you are going to not change. you can guarantee that you're going to transform.

Autumn Carter: That is perfect. Okay. Tell us about Instagram. Your website and where's your newsletters on your website, right?

Yes.

Sherelle Marquez: My is at Sherelle Marquez and it's spelled differently, S-H-E-R-I-L-L-E. Sherelle Marquez and all my handles are there too. I'm on YouTube, TikTok. I have a Facebook private group as well where I am a more intimate, so if they wanna join that, it's called. Feel alive again after divorce.

my newsletter, they can sign up on my website, Sherelle Marquez, and my newsletter is called She Thrives because it is really all about thriving.

Autumn Carter: And if you want all the things, it sounds like the best place to start is your podcast. Tell us the name about that because I'm sure in the description they can sign up everywhere else, correct?

Sherelle Marquez: That's right. my podcast is called It gets better from here

Autumn Carter: Which we need that reminder in life. No matter if we aren't divorced that's what I'm trying to say is We can be so stuck in this trial in this hardship that we forget that it's just for now and it gets better That was something I was reading in one of my books just this week a couple days ago actually and it's like I highlighted that and I'm not a highlighter or note taker inside of books, but this one I'm using like a textbook.

It's not one I can pass on very easily, but that's something that we need to remember. And I think that goes with the quantum leaping that you do as well.

Sherelle Marquez: Yes, Autumn, and I love what you're doing too and raising awareness and I appreciate you giving me more of a platform to expand with your audience because we just don't know how it hit.

Like you said, they don't have to be divorced or a single mom when I was going through my healing journey I was digesting everything. YouTube is my best friend, books you name it. So we just don't know how, what you're doing and providing with your podcast how it's going to really help impact people.

And it could just be that one thing. So I'm really happy to be here.

Autumn Carter: Which is why I like to cover a lot of different topics because wellness incorporates everything about us. We spend so much time as moms taking care of everyone else, filling everybody else's cup that we don't take time for ourselves.

So this is what this podcast is about. I know so many women who have been stuck and it's been 10 years post divorce and they're still stuck, or it's been five, but there's one in particular 10 years before she was finally able to let go of some of that anger because it was also from infidelity.

and start to move on. And they were very small steps because she was doing it by herself. I didn't have the tools to help her back then. I was just barely becoming a mom But just seeing how hard it was for her. If we can give people that guiding light, let's do it.

So thank you for being on, for sharing, for all of the amazing ways that you have created for people to connect with you and grow. That is amazing. Thank you again.

Thank you so much, Autumn.

Thank you for joining me on Wellness in Every Season. Remember to take time to relax, heal, and be present. Next week, we will be talking about four assumptions.

thanks for tuning into this week's episode. I am your host Autumn Carter, a certified life coach and parenting coach Dedicated to empowering mothers to rediscover their identity beyond motherhood, find balance amidst chaos, Strengthen relationships, and pursue their dreams.

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