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Intro:
This is Episode 88
Welcome to Wellness in Every Season, the podcast where we explore the rich tapestry of wellness in all its forms. I'm your host, Autumn Carter, a certified life coach turned wellness coach as well as a certified parenting coach dedicated to empowering others to rediscover their identity in their current season of life.
My goal is to help you thrive both as an individual and as a parent.
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EPISODE INTRO |
Welcome to Episode 88 of Wellness in Every Season! Today's episode, "Stop Negative Thinking Now," is such a crucial topic because negative thinking patterns, or cognitive distortions, have a profound impact on nearly every aspect of our lives. Whether it's affecting our overall wellness, shaping how we parent, influencing our career decisions, or building a business, negative thoughts can become roadblocks that keep us from reaching our full potential.
These thought patterns often sneak in unnoticed, distorting our reality, causing stress, and leading us to doubt ourselves. They affect our mood, energy, relationships, and the way we approach everyday challenges. By recognizing and addressing these distortions, we open the door to growth, self-compassion, and a healthier mindset. It’s about shifting from being our own harshest critic to becoming our biggest supporter.
Understanding how to stop negative thinking is empowering. It equips us with tools to transform setbacks into stepping stones, to respond rather than react in stressful situations, and to foster deeper, more positive connections with ourselves and others. Essentially, tackling negative thinking is the foundation for creating a more balanced, fulfilling life. That's why this episode is so important!
Key point #1:
First, let’s talk about how to recognize negative thinking or cognitive distortions in ourselves. These distortions often pop up as automatic thoughts that feel true, even though they might not reflect reality. Common signs include words like "always" and "never," assuming the worst will happen, or feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt or failure over a small mistake. For example, when you think, "I always mess things up" or "I'm a terrible parent because I lost my patience today," that's a distortion. These thoughts create stress and prevent us from seeing the full picture.
So, how do we begin to recognize them? Start by paying attention to your inner dialogue, especially when you’re feeling upset, anxious, or overwhelmed. Notice the language you use—are you exaggerating, jumping to conclusions, or labeling yourself negatively? When you catch yourself in one of these thought spirals, pause and ask: “Is this thought helpful? Is it really true, or am I being overly critical of myself?”
Now, let’s get into what to do once you've recognized these thoughts. This is where the power of reframing comes in. Using statements like "even though" and "I choose to" is a simple yet transformative way to challenge negative thinking. For instance, instead of saying, "I failed that task, so I'll never be good at this," reframe it to: "Even though I didn’t succeed this time, I choose to see it as a learning experience and try again." This shift from a negative, limiting perspective to a more balanced and growth-oriented view helps break the cycle of distorted thinking.
Another powerful tool is to practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that everyone experiences setbacks and difficult moments. When you catch a negative thought, ask yourself how you would respond if a friend came to you with the same concern. Often, we’re much kinder and more supportive to others than we are to ourselves.
Finally, how do we apply this to help others—especially those we care about, like our children, partners, or friends? Start by creating a space where they feel safe expressing their thoughts. When you notice someone falling into negative thinking, validate their feelings first: “I see you're feeling upset about this.” Then gently guide them toward a more balanced view: "Even though today was challenging, what did go well?" This approach teaches others, especially children, how to process their feelings and reframe their thoughts in a healthier way.
If you’re feeling stuck with these thought patterns, this is where I come in. As a certified life coach who grew up in an environment filled with classic cognitive distortions, I’ve learned how to identify and overcome them. Working together, we can tackle these negative thought cycles and build a mindset that supports your wellness, parenting, and personal growth.
Now, let's explore some mindfulness practices, lifehacks, and coaching questions that can further help you navigate these distortions.
Key point #2:
Negative thinking patterns, or cognitive distortions, are sneaky mental habits that twist our perception of reality. They often go unnoticed, weaving into our daily thoughts and shaping how we feel about ourselves and our lives. These distortions can make minor issues seem monumental, turn positive moments into afterthoughts, and leave us feeling trapped in a cycle of self-doubt. Recognizing these patterns is the first step in freeing ourselves from their grip. Let’s explore some of the most common cognitive distortions and how they might be affecting your wellness, parenting, career, and business.
All-or-Nothing Thinking: This is seeing things in black-and-white terms. For example, you might think, "If I don't do this perfectly, I'm a total failure." It dismisses the middle ground, making it impossible to acknowledge partial success or progress. It’s like believing if you miss one day of exercise, you’ve ruined your entire health journey.
Overgeneralization: This involves taking one negative experience and applying it to all situations. For example, after a stressful day with your kids, you think, "My children never listen to me." It’s a distortion because one bad day doesn’t define your entire parenting experience.
Negative Orientation: This is when you only focus on the negatives while ignoring the positives. For instance, if you get feedback at work, you might fixate on the one small critique and completely overlook the praise. This skewed view drags down your mood and confidence.
Unrealistic Expectations: Setting unattainable standards for yourself or others. For example, you expect to be the "perfect parent" who never loses patience. When you inevitably do, you feel like a failure. This distortion sets you up for disappointment because the standard is impossible.
Irrational Conclusions: Jumping to conclusions without enough evidence. For example, you text a friend, and they don’t reply immediately. You might think, "They must be upset with me." This distortion leads to unnecessary anxiety and assumptions without checking the facts.
Catastrophizing: Assuming the worst-case scenario. For example, you make a small mistake at work and immediately think, "I'm going to get fired." This distortion magnifies minor setbacks into major disasters, leading to unnecessary stress.
Blaming: Holding yourself or others entirely responsible for things that are not completely in your control. For example, if your child has a meltdown in public, you think, "I’m a terrible parent; I should have prevented this." It dismisses other factors and realities that contribute to the situation.
Magnification and Minimization: Blowing negative events out of proportion while downplaying positive ones. An example of magnification: "I forgot to bring snacks to the school event; I’m the worst parent ever." An example of minimization: "Yes, I received an award at work, but it’s not a big deal; anyone could have done it." This distortion creates a skewed perception of reality, highlighting the bad while minimizing the good.
Understanding these distortions helps us see how our minds can trick us into negative thinking loops. It’s not about blaming ourselves for having these thoughts; it’s about recognizing them and learning how to gently shift our perspective. By challenging these distortions, we open up new possibilities for growth, resilience, and self-compassion. Remember, these are patterns of thinking we’ve picked up over time—they’re not an unchangeable part of who we are.
Now, let’s talk about what causes us to fall into these patterns of thinking. At the root of many cognitive distortions is fear—fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of the unknown. This fear can distort our thinking and keep us from living fully. That’s why I created my 'How to Overcome Fear' program, designed to help you identify the fears driving these negative thought patterns and replace them with a mindset rooted in courage and self-acceptance. But before we dive into that, I want to share a mindfulness practice that can help you interrupt these distorted thoughts in the moment.
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Segment: Mindfulness Practice:
If you find yourself struggling to engage in this practice, feeling overwhelmed, or unable to sit with your thoughts, that's completely okay. In those moments, it's important to remember that grounding and reframing take time and patience. Instead of diving into the full practice, try a quick and gentle modification:
Modified Practice:
Simply close your eyes, place one hand on your heart, and take three slow, deep breaths. As you inhale, say, "I am here." As you exhale, say, "I am safe." Focus only on your breath and the sensation of your hand over your heart. If a negative thought arises, imagine placing it in a bubble and letting it float away. You don’t have to confront it right now—just acknowledge its presence and let it go.
This simplified practice helps you build the habit of grounding without needing to go deep into reflection or reframing just yet. Once you feel more comfortable, you can move on to the full practice.
Full Practice:
Now, let’s move into the complete mindfulness practice to help you ground, reflect, and reframe your thoughts.
Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose, letting your lungs fill completely. Hold for a moment, and then exhale slowly through your mouth, releasing any tension. As you breathe, allow your body to relax, feeling your feet firmly rooted to the ground. Imagine yourself as a strong tree, your roots digging deep into the earth, connecting you to stability and strength.
Now, place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Feel the warmth of your hands and let your breath create a gentle rhythm beneath them. As you inhale, say to yourself, "I am grounded." As you exhale, say, "I am safe." Repeat this a few times, letting each word sink into your being.
Once you feel grounded, gently bring up a negative thought or cognitive distortion that’s been bothering you. Notice this thought without judgment. Picture it like a leaf floating on a stream. It’s there, but it doesn’t define you; it’s simply passing by. Now, take another deep breath, and as you do, say to yourself, "I tap into my inner wisdom, worth, and truth." Allow these words to resonate within you.
Now, gently reflect on the thought you brought up. Ask yourself: "Is this thought truly a reflection of my reality, or is it a distortion rooted in fear or self-doubt?" Allow your inner wisdom to respond. Notice what comes up without forcing an answer. Acknowledge how this thought has affected your feelings and actions. As you reflect, say, "Even though I have this thought, I choose to honor my worth and see it for what it is—just a thought, not my truth."
Now, let’s move to reframing. Take the original negative thought and gently reshape it. For example, if the thought was, "I always fail at everything I try," you might reframe it to, "Even though I’ve faced challenges, I choose to see each experience as a step toward growth and learning. I am capable and worthy." Speak this new thought slowly, letting it soak into your consciousness.
When you’re ready, take a final deep breath, releasing any lingering negativity. Slowly open your eyes, carrying with you a sense of calm, clarity, and your own deep inner truth. Remind yourself that you have the power to shift your mindset and align with your worth every single day.
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Key point #3:
Let's dive deeper into the root cause of these cognitive distortions: fear. Fear often serves as the driving force behind many of the negative thought patterns we experience. When left unchecked, fear can shape our perception of reality and keep us from moving forward. It leads us to jump to irrational conclusions, magnify our mistakes, and overgeneralize experiences. Fear tricks us into believing that we’re not good enough, that failure is a reflection of our worth, or that judgment from others defines who we are. It is also how we can stay stuck, allowing fear to control our actions and keep us in patterns that no longer serve us.
Let's explore how fear plays a role in these distortions:
Fear of Failure: This can show up as all-or-nothing thinking or catastrophizing. We become so terrified of not meeting a certain standard that we convince ourselves, “If I can't do this perfectly, I shouldn’t try at all,” or, “If I mess up, it will be a disaster." This fear paralyzes us, making the risk of failure feel unbearable. It keeps us stuck, afraid to take any action that might lead to growth or change.
Fear of Judgment: Blaming or magnification can stem from a fear of being judged by others. We might shift blame onto ourselves or others to avoid the discomfort of judgment, or we might magnify a small mistake into a catastrophe, worried about how others will perceive us. This fear can be how we allow others to control us, shaping our thoughts and actions based on what we think others might think or say.
Fear of the Unknown: Overgeneralization and irrational conclusions often arise from the fear of not knowing what comes next. Our minds race to fill in the gaps with worst-case scenarios, convincing us that the future holds nothing but failure and disappointment. By succumbing to this fear, we allow it to dictate our choices, leading us to avoid opportunities that might bring uncertainty but also incredible growth.
Understanding these fears is the first step toward changing the narrative. This is where my “How to Overcome Fear" program comes in. It’s not about eliminating fear—fear is a natural part of being human. Instead, it’s about learning to recognize when fear is distorting our thinking and then shifting that perspective. In the program, we dive deep into uncovering the specific fears driving your negative thought patterns and explore how these fears may have allowed others to control your mindset and actions.
We explore tools and strategies to transform your relationship with fear. For example, we practice mindfulness to ground you in the present moment, which helps interrupt fear-driven thoughts before they spiral out of control. We also work on reframing those distorted thoughts, so you can replace fear-based thinking with a mindset rooted in your true worth and inner strength.
Fear doesn't have to control your narrative. With the right tools, you can learn to acknowledge your fears without letting them dictate your actions or cloud your mindset. This is the core of what my program aims to teach: to empower you to take back control, break free from the patterns that keep you stuck, and stop allowing fear—or others—to control your thoughts and decisions.
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AD
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My programs are tailored to meet the needs of busy, budget-conscious individuals. Some can be completed in just a couple of hours and start at $7, while others are free and take only a few minutes. For those seeking a more profound transformation, I offer in-depth programs that explore your dreams, desires, and what makes you uniquely 'you.'
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Key point #5
Welcome back! I hope you enjoyed that little break. I want to take a moment to say that the best way you can support me is by purchasing one of my programs and sharing this show with others. Your support allows me to continue creating valuable content that empowers us all to live more fully and embrace wellness in every season of life.
Now, let’s dive deeper into recognizing cognitive distortions and what to do when they arise, both for ourselves and when interacting with others. By focusing on this, we add depth to our journey toward a more balanced mindset. The first step is learning to identify common signs of cognitive distortions within ourselves. Distorted thinking often comes with intense emotions, rigid "should" statements, or automatic, negative interpretations of events.
Recognizing Cognitive Distortions:
Pay attention to the red flags in your thinking patterns. For example, if you catch yourself using extreme words like "always" or "never," or if you’re overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, shame, or fear, it's likely that a cognitive distortion is at play. You might think, "I'm a bad parent" after a tough day with the kids or jump to conclusions about a work situation without considering other perspectives. By simply noticing these patterns, you’re already taking a powerful step toward changing them.
What to Do After Recognizing Them:
Once you recognize these distortions, the next step is to reframe your thoughts. This is where "even though" and "I choose to" statements come into play. They help to rewire automatic responses with more balanced thinking. For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, "I made a mistake at work; I’m not good enough," you can reframe it to: "Even though I made a mistake at work, I choose to see this as a learning opportunity rather than a failure."
Additionally, introduce practical techniques such as grounding exercises, journaling, or seeking external validation from a trusted friend to reality-check your thoughts. These practices help to anchor you and prevent the distortion from spiraling out of control.
Helping Others with Cognitive Distortions:
Addressing cognitive distortions in others, like family members or children, requires a gentle approach. When you notice your child or partner falling into negative thinking, start by validating their feelings: "I see you're feeling really frustrated right now." Then, guide them to consider other perspectives: "Even though today was tough, what went well? What can we learn from this?" By creating an environment where people feel safe expressing their thoughts, you make it easier for them to challenge and reframe their own distorted thinking.
Calls to Action:
Throughout the episode, if you’re finding it hard to navigate these cognitive distortions on your own, remember that you don’t have to do it alone. This is where working with a certified life coach can make a real difference. I grew up with a narcissist who used classic cognitive distortions, so I deeply understand how these patterns form and how to break free from them. Together, we can work through these thought patterns to create a mindset that supports your wellness, parenting, career, and business growth.
If you're ready to tackle these thought patterns and want support in transforming them, I would love to work with you. Visit my website or contact me directly to explore how we can walk this journey together. You are not alone in this process, and having the right guidance can make all the difference.
Key point #5:
Now that we’ve explored the root causes of cognitive distortions and discussed how fear can hold us back, let’s move into some Practical examples. Using "even though" and "I choose to" statements can be incredibly empowering. It allows us to acknowledge our negative thoughts while consciously choosing a healthier, more balanced response. Let’s look at how this can apply to different areas of our lives.
Wellness:
Cognitive distortions often show up when we strive for a balanced lifestyle. For example, you might think, “I missed my workout today, so I’ve ruined my progress.” Instead, try reframing it: "Even though I missed my workout today, I choose to honor my body’s need for rest and focus on starting fresh tomorrow." Another common distortion is "black-and-white thinking." You might think, “I didn’t stick to my meal plan perfectly this week, so I failed.” A better approach could be: "Even though I didn’t stick to my meal plan perfectly, I choose to acknowledge my progress and make healthier choices moving forward."
Parenting:
In parenting, cognitive distortions often manifest as "should" statements. For example, "I lost my temper with my child this morning, so I’m a terrible parent." Instead, you can reframe it: "Even though I lost my temper with my child this morning, I choose to see this as a learning opportunity and show myself the same compassion I would show a friend." Another example involves labeling: "I feel like a 'bad parent' for not attending every school event." You could shift this thought to: "Even though I feel like a 'bad parent' for not attending every school event, I choose to remember that I’m doing the best I can for my family."
Career:
In a career context, cognitive distortions like "imposter syndrome" can create self-doubt. For instance, "I made a mistake on that project, so I’m not good at my job." Reframe this by saying, "Even though I made a mistake on that project, I choose to see it as a chance to grow and learn, rather than a reflection of my abilities." You might also struggle with "fortune-telling": "I’m afraid that I won’t get that promotion." Here, you can reframe it to: "Even though I’m afraid that I won’t get that promotion, I choose to focus on the strengths I bring to my job and continue giving my best effort."
Building a Business:
Building a business is ripe with opportunities for cognitive distortions, like "overgeneralization." For example, "My first product launch didn’t go as planned, so I should just give up." Instead, try: "Even though my first product launch didn’t go as planned, I choose to see this as one step in my journey to success, rather than a sign that I should give up." Another common distortion is "emotional reasoning." You might think, "I feel anxious about taking this next step, so it must be a bad idea." Reframe this with: "Even though” I feel anxious about taking this next step, I choose to act in line with my vision and believe that this feeling will pass."
Using "even though" and "I choose to" statements in each of these examples reinforces the idea that while distortions may arise, we still hold the power to choose a more balanced and self-compassionate mindset. This approach can guide you in reframing your own negative thoughts, fostering growth in every area of life—wellness, parenting, career, and business.
Lifehack Segment:
Now, I want to share a simple lifehack that can help you interrupt cognitive distortions before they spiral. I call it the "Thought Journal." The idea is to have a dedicated notebook or even a notes app on your phone where you can quickly jot down any negative or distorted thoughts as they arise.
Here’s how it works: When you catch a negative thought—whether it's "I’m not good enough" or "I’ll never succeed"—pause and write it down. Just getting the thought out of your head and onto paper can create a moment of separation. Then, right below that thought, write an "even though" and "I choose to" statement to reframe it. For example, if you wrote down, "I failed at sticking to my wellness routine," you could reframe it to: "Even though I didn’t follow my routine perfectly, I choose to recognize my effort and focus on starting fresh tomorrow."
This practice helps you catch negative thoughts in real-time and gives you the power to challenge and reframe them. Over time, it trains your mind to automatically look for balanced, positive perspectives, reducing the hold cognitive distortions have on your life. The best part? It only takes a few moments to do, and you can practice it anywhere, anytime.
If you’re feeling stuck or need a boost, flipping through your thought journal can be a great way to remind yourself of all the times you chose to rewrite your narrative.
Key point #6:
Now that we’ve discussed cognitive distortions, how to recognize them, reframe them, and use practical tools like the thought journal, let's talk about the power of mindfulness. By practicing mindfulness regularly, you create space between your thoughts and reactions, giving you the clarity to choose a healthier perspective. Remember, cognitive distortions are patterns we’ve learned over time, but they don’t have to define us. Through practices like grounding, journaling, and compassionate reframing, you can take back control of your thoughts and align with your true worth.
We’ve also touched on how these distortions impact various areas of life—wellness, parenting, career, and business—and how using "even though" and "I choose to" statements can help shift your mindset. When it comes to helping others, especially your children or loved ones, using a gentle approach and creating a safe space for them to express their thoughts is key.
If you’re feeling ready to take the next steps in overcoming these thought patterns and need support in navigating this journey, I encourage you to reach out. Whether through my "How to Overcome Fear" program or one-on-one coaching, I’m here to help you develop a mindset that empowers your wellness, parenting, career, and business growth.
Now, I want to leave you with ten powerful coaching questions that can guide your self-reflection and help you dig deeper into the roots of your cognitive distortions.
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Segment: Coaching Questions
Here are the ten powerful coaching questions to guide your self-reflection and help you address cognitive distortions more effectively:
1. What negative thought patterns do you notice most often?
Identifying the most recurring thoughts is the first step toward changing them.
2. What situations tend to trigger these distorted thoughts for you?
Recognizing your triggers helps you prepare for and manage these situations with a healthier mindset.
3. Even though you feel this way, what is another, more balanced perspective you could choose?
This question encourages you to shift your focus and challenge the distortion with a new outlook.
4. How do these distorted thoughts impact your wellness, parenting, career, or business?
Understanding the broader effects of these thoughts can motivate you to reframe them.
5. What evidence contradicts these negative thoughts?
List the facts that counter the distortions, grounding you in reality rather than perception.
6. How would you speak to a friend or loved one experiencing these same thoughts?
Applying self-compassion by treating yourself as you would someone you care about.
7. What “even though” and “I choose to” statements can you use to challenge this thought?
Practicing this helps make reframing a regular part of your thought process.
8. What small actions can you take today to break free from this pattern of thinking?
Action helps create positive change and reinforces a growth mindset.
9. How do you usually react when a cognitive distortion shows up, and how could you choose to respond differently?
Exploring your reactions provides insight into how you can handle similar thoughts more effectively in the future.
10. What self-compassion practice can you implement when you find yourself caught in a negative thinking loop?
Finding ways to nurture kindness toward yourself can help you break free from the cycle of negativity.
Use these questions as a guide when you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure. They’ll serve as a powerful tool to help you reflect, reframe, and grow.
CLOSING REMARKS & EPISODE SUMMARY |
Episode summary:
As we come to the end of this episode, I want to thank you for joining me in this deep dive into cognitive distortions and how they affect various areas of our lives. We've explored how fear often lies at the root of these distorted thoughts, keeping us stuck and, at times, allowing others to control our narrative. Together, we've gone through practical ways to identify these patterns and how to reframe them using the power of "even though" and "I choose to" statements.
We've also discussed tools like the thought journal, mindfulness practices, and gentle ways to help others—especially those we love—work through their own distorted thinking. Remember, you have the power to choose a more balanced mindset and align with your true worth every day.
I hope the ten coaching questions I shared will serve as a helpful guide on your journey toward self-reflection and growth. Cognitive distortions don't have to dictate your path; by recognizing and reframing them, you take back control and open up space for wellness, confidence, and personal empowerment.
If you feel ready to dive deeper into this work and need support in overcoming fear and shifting your mindset, I invite you to explore my “How to Overcome Fear” program or reach out for one-on-one coaching. This journey doesn't have to be walked alone—I’m here to help you every step of the way.
Finally, if you found this episode helpful, the best way you can support me is to share the show with others and consider investing in one of my programs. Together, we can create a ripple effect of positive change.
Until next time, remember: you have the strength, wisdom, and power to transform your mindset and align with the life you truly desire. Be kind to yourself and keep taking those steps forward. Thank you for listening, and I look forward to connecting with you in the next episode!
[Music]
Outro:
Thank you for joining me on Wellness in Every Season. Remember to take time to relax, heal, and be present. Next week, we will be talking about Financial Infidelity with Megan Outlaw
Thanks for tuning into this week's episode. I am your host, Autumn Carter, a certified life coach dedicated to empowering individuals to rediscover their identity, find balance amidst chaos, strengthen relationships, and pursue their dreams. My goal is to help people thrive in every aspect of their lives. I hope today's discussion inspired you and offered valuable insights.
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Thank you for being a part of our podcast community. I look forward to continuing our conversation, sharing stories, and exploring wellness in all its aspects. Take care until our next episode. You can also work with me one-on-one or on-demand through one of my programs by visiting wellnessineveryseason.com/programs.
One last thing to cover the show legally. I am a certified life coach giving general advice. So think of this more like a self-help book. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist. So this podcast shouldn't be taken as a replacement for professional guidance from a doctor or therapist. If you want personal one-on-one coaching from a certified life and parenting coach, Go to my website, wellnessineveryseason.com. That's where you can get personalized coaching from me.
See you in next week's episode.