Episode 95: Spiritual Recovery with Jennifer McCutchen

Episode 95: Spiritual Recovery with Jennifer McCutchen

Autumn Carter: This is episode 95.

Welcome to wellness in every season the podcast where we explore the rich tapestry of wellness in all its forms I am your host autumn carter a certified life coach Turned wellness coach as well as a certified parenting coach Dedicated to empowering others to rediscover their identity in their current season of life My goal is to help you thrive as an individual and as a parent.

Autumn Carter: Welcome to Wellness in Every Season. I'm your host, Autumn Carter. And today I have with me Jennifer McCutcheon. Jennifer, tell me what you do.

Jennifer McCutcheon: Thank you, Autumn, for having me. It's so great to connect with, your audience. My name is Jen McCutcheon. I'm a spiritual recovery and trauma healing coach. And I work with women, mothers to empower them to recover their lives from the traps of addiction with the sole purpose of breaking the destructive cycles.

So I work with mothers, women who have either children or loved ones that are struggling with addiction and recognize that they're at a point where they are powerless to change their loved ones, but they can change themselves by healing and recovering and in doing so.

actually influence and encourage their loved one or their children towards recovery. So I work with women who are ready to break the cycles that they are contributing to in the entanglement of addiction that directly impacts their children or their loved ones recovery.

Autumn Carter: That was a lot. Let's dive in a little bit further. Tell me all the different types of addictions that you see that you're willing to help with.

Jennifer McCutcheon: Great question, because most of the women that I work with have a loved one that struggles with substance abuse.

The other component of addiction that we all hear so much about is substance and addiction comes in many forms, sizes, colors, you name it, anything can be addictive. So addiction is not just substance, it can be work, it can be gaming, it can be technology, it can be food, it can be pornography, it can be emotional addiction, relationship addiction.

So there are so many forms of addiction. And what happens in the family dynamics, when there is addiction, we become enmeshed because I became entangled in codependency, which is relationship addiction. Nine out of 10 people are codependent. Nine out of 10 people experience codependency.

So codependency really is where you, this is like the simplest way to place it. When you depend on something outside of yourself for your peace, happiness, validation, worthiness, all of the above, when you are seeking something outside of yourself to fill a void within yourself. so codependency is depending on outside forces, people, places, or things.

So that's a simple way to say what codependency is, but it's not a simple, behavior because it's very sneaky and that's why it's very similar to addiction. Codependency can also be, a learned behavior to regulate And bring balance to your central nervous system.

It's a survival mechanism. So when we are dealing with struggle, challenge, uncomfortable feelings, pain, suffering, fear, we go into the fight, flight, freezer or fawn trauma response, stress response. and when we're in that stress response, codependence will try to regulate themselves, so that may be people pleasing, that may be enabling a behavior of your loved one, like an addiction, giving them money, enabling them to continue their drug use.

But what we're actually doing is we're finding a way to find peace and calm within ourselves again because we are dysregulated. So codependency is depending on other people to be okay, so you can be okay. So it's partly to do with the central nervous system and it's partly a learned behavior that causes a lot of chaos and destruction.

Autumn Carter: Say that again

Jennifer McCutcheon: Yeah, so co dependency is very destructive. It entangles and causes a lot of suffering within all relationships. When you experience it, it can be in a love, relationship with your partner. It can be in a work relationship. It can be in relationship with yourself being codependent on other things for your own peace and happiness.

Therefore you can never find real peace because it's dependent on everything else. When we learn to find the peace that lies within ourselves, we no longer have to be dependent on people, places, and things for our happiness and our health and our wellness. We get to be in the driver's seat of our lives, which is where we actually are.

Recovery is not just recovery from substance or a porn addiction or a food a unhealthy relationship with food. Recovery is soul recovery. And this is what I really help. individuals, families to understand We cannot just remove substance.

The idea that we can just remove substance and everything's going to be okay is a illusion. Substance is not the problem. We have to stop focusing on the substance or the addiction and we have to start focusing on why that addiction is there. The addiction is there because of a deep rooted pain. A pain that is so unbearable that we have to escape it.

We have to become dependent on something outside of us to feel okay, to feel at peace, to feel calm or to feel safe, to find relief from that pain. And that's why addiction can be anything, gaming, work food, substance, Netflix. we're escaping. We are finding ways to escape this uncomfortable feeling that we don't know what to do with nobody has taught us how to process deep rooted emotional pain.

Autumn Carter: Okay, so let's take a quick pause I'm already thinking of people I want to send this to, if I'm thinking of people, you are too. Let's send this to people, we need to help people through this.

So that's the first thought. The next thought is, What classic TV shows really depict this? Like for people to really have it sink in, my mentor, when I was interning and had a whole week on codependence, she told me Gilmore girls. What other classic ones are there?

Jennifer McCutcheon: Yes, totally. You just brain stumped me there.

I'm like, TV shows? Oh my gosh, this might be tricky. But yeah, that's a definite clue.

Autumn Carter: relationships like that everybody can easily research and be like, oh, okay, I see it now.

Jennifer McCutcheon: Yeah. I'm just trying to think I'm not a huge TV watcher, but me neither. Gilmore girls.

Yeah, definitely. Friends. They had friends at times. Like where you cannot be okay without your partner being okay. I'm sorry. You're really stumping me there. I'm like, shoot TV shows. It'll come to me. Something will pop up.

Autumn Carter: But the really classic binge worthy that everybody talks about. It's in there and you can see the cycle. So for me, if there's, I try not to show anything with alcohol with our kids, but like my oldest will sometimes walk in when I snuck away to my room. My husband's there. So it's not like I'm not watching my well.

Somebody's watching our kids. Let's put it that way. And he'll come into our bedroom and if he sees alcohol, I'll start to explain to him like, look, there's a cycle here and they did something bad because they were drinking alcohol. So then they're trying to escape it by drinking alcohol after that. It's just this cycle and it goes with codependency as well.

It's very interesting to watch. That's why I asked you about the classic TV shows.

Jennifer McCutcheon: You could think, I can think now everything like the messaging. So part of addiction, the root cause of addiction is trauma, unhealed trauma. The other cause of addiction is societal programming and conditioning.

So again, we're being programmed every time you're watching TV, you're seeing a beer commercial or, people having fun with substance. And it's promoting that codependency. You use it when you're having a good day, you use it when you're having a bad day, you use it to celebrate, you use it to mourn or grieve or like it's portrayed in movies and TV shows and commercials for all of the above.

So it's become this normalized way of coping and it's the most unhealthy way of coping. It's actually not coping. It's actually feeding. The cycles of addiction and codependency and disconnect from ourselves. Because as long as we aren't allowing ourselves to feel the feels that we're feeling, those emotions, we are suppressing those emotions can't suppress hard, heavy emotions without also suppressing joy, happiness, peaceful emotions.

So we're sweeping under the carpet, all of who we are. We are emotional beings. We are not our emotions, but part of the human experience is to feel. And the only way to heal and recover is to feel, we have to feel to heal. And we have been programmed as a society not to feel, to pretend that we're okay when we're not okay, which creates even bigger divide.

Trauma is. a core of addiction. And it's not just our trauma. It's our trauma or pain from this lifetime of the experiences that we've had as children, definitely from the age of one to seven things that happened to us or didn't happen to us. Trauma isn't just what happens to us.

It's also what doesn't happen to us. And the meaning that we put on that experience that changes the way that we view ourselves. The world and others around us, which then changes who we show up as we create a false sense of self in that moment of that experience that disconnects us from who we truly are, our authentic self.

And as that continues on over our lifetimes, the gap gets bigger and bigger between who we are and who we think we are and suffering occurs in that and enough suffering leads us to seeking outside of ourselves to find relief. Until we heal the unhealed trauma and break free from the false identity that we have created for ourselves as a means to survive, we will continue to suffer until we really get down to the core root, to feel it and to heal it.

Autumn Carter: Feel it to heal it. I love it.

Jennifer McCutcheon: Yeah. We tend to disassociate

Autumn Carter: from ourselves.

Jennifer McCutcheon: Exactly. nobody, we're not being taught how to process our emotions. So upsets on top of upsets on top of upsets that aren't processed lead to sadness, unprocessed.

Leads to depression and depression is a disconnect mental health. All mental health issues are disconnects from who we are. we're not being shown how to actually process our emotions and connect to our power source. our God source, whether it's God source universe, it's like we become disconnected or like unplugged from ourselves where we become unconscious from our consciousness.

And we're just walking around almost zombie like. Going through the processes numb, and we wonder why we're not happy. And we wonder why we're feeling depressed. It's because we're not living our authentic truth. We're not living who we are here to be. We've been programmed and shifted and morphed into pretending to be something.

we're not happy. We're not connected. So it's just like our computer. Like I often say, touch your computer, your phone, whatever you're listening to, or watching this on We are just like a computer. Our computer has memory, it has programming, it has, Wi Fi to be able to work and connect.

If we get viruses, it's because there's something in there and we need to clear it out. We're the same things. Our bodies, our human form are the most intelligent computers.

But when we have upsets and sadness and crisis and traumas, it's like a virus in our computer. It starts to impact the efficiency of our being, of our living. if We don't try to fix it, remove that virus, remove those pains and sufferings. we start to have chronic stress.

We start to have emotional dysregulation, depression, anxieties, right? And the body will then begin to shut down and disconnect from itself, disassociate. And we experienced hardship, until we normally have to hit a rock bottom of some kind where we decide I can't do this anymore.

And you decide to choose to change and there's an awakening, and this is what we would say is a spiritual awakening of what am I doing? there's more to life than this. I've done things that I'm supposed to do and I'm not happy and this isn't working for me anymore. actually I want to live.

I don't want to die. And you choose to change and you choose to start seeking a new way. And that's the moment in time where we begin our healing and recovery journey. When we decide we want more and then we're ready to take action and do more. And that's where I come in helping people when they've made that decision.

Cause often like me, when I made that decision, I hit a rock bottom. I didn't know what to do. I just knew I wanted to change. But then I was like, I don't know how. and I started to seek and that's where, working with a coach, working with a trauma healing specialist, working with somebody who can help you to reprogram the beliefs in your mind to heal the pain on an emotional level, but also heal the pain on an energetic level, which is causing disease or dis ease in the body.

So there's somatics, breath work and yoga and meditation and ancient healing practices that actually Help us. We are able to heal ourselves when we have the tools and resources.

Autumn Carter: That's where I was just thinking, I actually have a lot of trauma in my past and I'm working with a somatics coach actually right now.

So my thought is for anybody who's feeling slightly triggered, let's take a minute and just put your hand on your heart and just take some deep breaths and let's focus on your divinity. Everybody has worth. Everybody has worth. You have divine worth.

You have had things in your life that make you feel like you don't. Those aren't proof that you don't. That is what somebody else has done to you, or an event that has happened to you. That is not proving your point. If you take the time to really, if you need to, pause this, journal if you need to, but sit in silence and just feel your heartbeat.

Just get back into your body. I know what it's like to feel triggered and start to leave your body. Come back to us. We love you. And you have so much worth because you are here, because you are more than a computer, like Jen said, you're so much more, even if you feel like you have some type of virus, some type of programming that's not quite right, that is from trauma, that is from others, that is not what you were born with,

You can think of it as in a spiritual lens or not. I come from the religious side, so I will tell you from both sides that you do have this divinity. You are perfectly made. You are perfectly you. And we are just working to unwrap those layers of. the wrong programming, and to really bring forth the gem that is you.

So let's dive in a little bit further. Jen said that she has gone through this herself. Looking back, if they're not ready to work with you yet, for whatever reason, they just need to feel their own worth, their security within themselves, security within the life around them, what would the steps be?

Jennifer McCutcheon: First and foremost, I just want to say thank you for taking that pause with everybody and coming back to the body and coming back to yourself. That I live here and come back to the present moment because we are always one. We are one with God. We are one with source. We are always connected. We are never alone. And just knowing that wherever you are right now is exactly where you're meant to be. And you are divinely perfect. You are divinely whole.

There is nothing broken about you. You are beautifully perfect and part of wherever you are on this journey. There is no right or wrong. There just is. And if you can come to be in a place of acceptance, of where you are right now and begin to practice that acceptance of releasing judgment of where you are just recognizing and working with coming to a place of acceptance of yourself of your emotions of your thoughts and your feelings knowing that it's okay where you are and finding that place of love within yourself so starting to just Be present.

That would be my first step because when we are in struggle, when we are in experiencing challenges in our life, we disconnect. we feel an emotion and we want it like we're out of our bodies. And when we're out of our bodies, we have less control over our circumstances.

The truth is you are. You have the ability to control your reality right here and right now, but it takes practice. It takes patience. It takes compassion. It takes kindness with yourself. So wherever you are, just remembering one cycle of breath can bring you back into the present moment.

Autumn Carter: And put the phone down.

Jennifer McCutcheon: No

Autumn Carter: more scrolling while listening to this.

Jennifer McCutcheon: Take a pause. Like literally take a pause and come to your breath and just know that there is no right or wrong. The judgment of right or wrong or shouldn't is a program. It's a belief system that doesn't serve us.

Autumn Carter: The societal versus.

Jennifer McCutcheon: That's right. Trusting that inner knowing, but we have to be able to pause and release judgment on ourselves and on others to really tap into that inner love, that inner peace, that inner God source that is with you all the time. It is never outside of you. It is always with you wherever you are in this journey.

And you are truly exactly where you are supposed to be. And even if where you are right now feels uncomfortable and is very challenging, there's a treasure in the trigger. There's a lesson in what you are experiencing. And the goal is to be able to witness the trigger, to ask yourself, why am I feeling what I'm feeling?

What are the thoughts in my mind? What is the story that's going on in my mind? What is the noise that's happening right now? And then being able to witness it. and identify and ask yourself the question, is this thought true? Is it really true? We have 80, 000 thoughts or something per day. And like 95 percent of them aren't true.

We get to be in charge of our mind through staying present with ourselves in the here and the now First, the thought, the first thought we have no control over, but the second thought we do. So what is the first thought when we can stop and pause and be with that thought in space and sacred space with our emotion and we can ask if that thought is even true? Is it my own? Where did it come from? Get curious, consciously curious.

With that childhood wonder and when you can identify and go, no man, that thought's not true. At that point, you have taken back control of your mind and you can choose to take that thought out and throw it away like you would a weed in your garden and plant a beautiful seed of what you want to believe and we will believe to create a life that you actually want to live.

You get to reprogram your mind through conscious awareness. And that's the power of recovery. That's true soul recovery of aligning with your truth. Like Autumn, my truth and your truth don't have to be the same. What works for me isn't probably going to work for you or might not work for you.

So this is where we get to take back control of our lives through becoming consciously aware of all of it. Our thoughts, our emotions, and our divine ability. We are the creators of our lives. We are co creating with the divine.

Autumn Carter: I love that because you can give it like a box of crayons or shapes or however you want to think of it as, but we are not all the same.

And this world would be incredibly boring if we were all the same color, shape, however you want to think of it. So it makes sense that what makes sense to me Won't always make sense to you. we have different backgrounds, we have different thought processes, we have different futures laid out in front of us, and we have a different present moment.

Even us talking right now, the thoughts going through our head are very different. Some of them are the same, enough to keep this conversation going, of course. I want to share with you the importance of working with a coach like Jennifer, is that she has done the work.

So working with her will propel you further than you doing the work on your own. Because she's been there, and she now gets to be that hand to guide you on this worked for me, this did not work for me. I see that you are individually you, and I'm going to coach you through that, and I'm going to ask you open questions and be that person for you.

If you are struggling, work with Jen. She knows what she's doing because she has been there. And those are the type of people that you want to work with who have had these struggles and recovered because they know the steps that worked and the steps that didn't. So obviously we are talking about codependency. We're talking about addictions. We're talking about spiritual wellness. And it sounds like spiritual wellness is what helped guide you the most along your journey. Is that correct?

Jennifer McCutcheon: Yeah, definitely. I grew up in the Catholic faith. I was born again, Baptist. I've been to so many different denominations. God is present. And I believe, through my journey that God is what God is to you. it could be your higher self. the universe source energy and whatever it is we are all working with this beautiful divine energy.

And It was in my darkest moments that I was held and I was shown and I heard the whisper we are all hearing the whisper. It's just what we do with that whisper. There's always this whisper and it's soft and it's gentle and it's flowy. And often we go and we fluff it away.

Dust bunnies that go under the couch. you hear it, but you don't, we can't trust it because we're so overwhelmed and the noise of the chaos and the despair and the inner conflict is so loud that We don't pay attention to it.

And it's in the struggle in the darkest moments where I had multiple, like I say, multiple, rock bottoms myself on my journey. I wasn't addicted to substance. I was addicted to trying to help save, solve, fix their problems. And I was consumed in it. And I became very sick mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

There was a moment in time where I was suffering so badly that I was driving my car on the highway and I had a moment of I'm just going to pull my car into oncoming traffic and it will all be over. And it was in that moment that whisper came through. It is a profound way and it was divine timing.

We can't force recovery on anybody. It happens when it is divine time to happen for each and every individual. And we have no say, no control over when that happens. But for me, it happened in that moment. Where I awoke to the whisper, I awoke to hearing it, to choosing to hear it and to be present with it.

And it completely transformed my life. And the message in that whisper was, your life matters. You're here for a reason. Your life matters too. And it was like, I just had an inner knowing, a flood of warmth, of love that I'd never experienced come through me. And it was, I knew that I had to do something different.

And I woke up the next morning. I quit my job. I enrolled in yoga teacher training program. And that was the beginning of my spiritual awakening to a degree where I knew that there was power way beyond myself that I'd ever felt or experienced before. I started This journey of ancient healing practices and energy healing work that aligned with me.

I so appreciate you talking about coaching and whether it's me, you're working with or autumn or whoever it's like when you experience that. For yourself, that's when shit gets real because you can read it in a book and somebody can tell you what to do. But until you experience it for yourself, you don't know what you don't know.

And that's what a good coach does is they help you reconnect to who you are, to that power within. I don't do anything. You're doing the work. I'm just guiding you to it. I'm the conscious conduit to help you connect to that power source within. And we all. Are carrying that power source.

So listen to the whispers, bring some peace into your life wherever you can and listen, be present with it, open your heart up to it. It's scary to go into the unknown of, I don't know if this is woohoo, it's scary. Change is scary, but we don't grow in our little box.

We have to get out of our comfort zone. We have to feel uncomfortable. You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. And sometimes for some of us, we have to hit rock bottoms to awaken, to choose, to change. And I'm just here to tell you, you don't have to hit rock bottom. We can intervene.

You can intervene yourself. You can break through the ego. You can break through the pain body that's really controlling you right now. And you can do this work. If I can do it, you can do it. If Autumn can do it, you can do it. You have the power. It's within you. And you just have to say yes. and Source, God, your angels, your ancestors, you have a team of spiritual beings all around you that are here to support you.

And they already are. They're just asking you, for you to ask them for help and they're there and willing right now.

Autumn Carter: You know what is amazing is so many religions believe that you can think it's woo, but if you dive in every religion I have studied believes in those same things where your ancestors have your back, you have angels to guide you, and you have God the divine.

There is, I just sent this quote actually to my brother in law. Let me see if I can find it. Here he goes. Nobody ever grows in a comfort zone, ever. And it's true. We don't. So true.

I don't even know who originally did it. They didn't even quote who originally said it, so I'm not going to quote them either. Yeah. But what also stuck out to me is you never said they started to change, so then you were able to change. you decided on your own. That was massive for me. And I wanted to make sure to point that out, highlight that for people.

And We have touched on this several times, but I want to just really touch on it. The importance of having that quiet moment, the meditation. If you need that, listen to any of my episodes where I am on by myself. There is a mindfulness moment. There's a mindfulness moment. Listen to it. Go back and just listen to him just for that. Totally fine. Use that as your inspiration. And then when you can do it by yourself, Cool. If you can't ever do it by yourself, listen to those, but spend that time so that you are able to quiet the noise to listen to those whisperings and have them come to yourself.

And then I just got this shirt and it's, I love it cause it's all nature and nature is where I really feel grounded, feel God, feel all of that. Yes, I can feel it at church, but This is where I can feel it the most because I don't have children with me Oftentimes when I'm in nature because that's where I go to escape and be yeah, that's my own little temple and if you are feeling you need that go feel the Sun on your face Feel the ground beneath your feet.

That is a great way to ground yourself. I recommend doing that it's actually, it feels like no big deal. It's super easy.

Jennifer McCutcheon: I always say nature is our most natural being. That is where we are our most natural. We are one with nature.

We are nature. So when we are feeling ungrounded go out into nature and just be one. And look at the beautiful. Blessings and transformations, the life, death and rebirth that happens in a leaf, like we were talking about seasons, like it's a constant state of change. Nothing ever stays the same, nothing.

Autumn Carter: Just like us.

Jennifer McCutcheon: So wherever you are, the struggle, the challenge, the whatever it's not going to be like that forever. And when we can remind ourselves that everything is constantly changing, where you are right now isn't forever. And that's where the limitless possibilities lie when you can connect to that truth.

Autumn Carter: And here's one last thing before I let her tell you all the ways you can find her. My last thought is this.

Jennifer McCutcheon: Let it flow,

Autumn Carter: girl. Let it flow. The important part of this journey is the part where you feel like you are failing. And this is the part where it's so great to have a coach. Because when you feel like you're failing, it's the getting back up that is actually getting you further.

It's catapulting you. And that is when you're actually able to get out of that hole that you feel like you're in is when you are deciding, no, I really want this because that is your way of being tested. Do you really want this change? Do you really want what you're striving for? That is when you need to dig in even deeper and find that.

The energy, find the drive, find the sometimes desperation, find what you need to, if it needs to be anger to get you there, be angry, use what you need to. And if you need us, we are here, we are ready and willing. And the great and hard thing about being a coach is that we have to be constantly working on ourselves.

So that we can show up because we can only take our clients as far as we have gone ourselves and as far as we are willing to go. So tell us how we can find you.

Jennifer McCutcheon: So yeah, you can find me at enable no more on Instagram. You can join me or come check out my website, www. enablenomore. ca, I'd love to have you join. I've got a free masterclass and program that's going to be launching soon. So check that out through the website, lots of free resources, breathwork, meditations, like a whole digital toolkit that's available, because I want you to find the transformation.

You are the transformation. So I really enjoyed the conversation today and yeah, I'm just sending you guys so much love, so much light, and really just beaming in faith in yourself because you have the power to change wherever you are right now, and you're not alone in the journey.

We're here for you.

Autumn Carter: Great. Thank you so much.

Jennifer McCutcheon: Correct. Yes.

Autumn Carter: And you're willing to work with anybody around the world.

Jennifer McCutcheon: I work internationally.

Autumn Carter: I just want to help get those out of the way.

Jennifer McCutcheon: Yeah. Online is incredible. And these spiritual practices, they go through zoom. to be able to connect with people around the world is truly incredible.

Autumn Carter: It's amazing. I have friends that I've never met in person that are very close friends.

Thank you, internet gods, whatever you want to call them. Exactly. Yes. Thank you so much. This is a great conversation. I hope everybody else enjoys it. And if you're listening to it when it airs, we hope that you have a happy, merry Christmas. I'm saying happy and merry for the different, if that is something you believe in or Hanukkah or whatever your beliefs are during this time, we know that it can be a very difficult time and I feel like this, when this episode airs, the date is perfectly aligned because you will be triggered by family members.

So listen to this as many times as you need to really get this in and to share this with family members because we are coming together with friends and family members and hopefully having more than just superficial conversations and we're realizing that they have some hard stuff in their life and that they need this help and that all of this is divinely guided so share this with them and if this is you feeling like I am ready to make these changes share this I am ready to live my own life and not live vicariously through them, whether they're doing okay or they're not, Do the work. Work with Jen. She's here. And we hope that you have an amazing holiday season, and we will catch you in the next episode.

Remember to take time to heal, relax, and be present. Next week, we will be talking about using emotions to achieve success. See you next week. Thanks for tuning into this week's episode.

I am your host Autumn Carter, a certified life coach dedicated to empowering individuals to rediscover their identity, Find balance amidst chaos, strengthen relationships, and pursue their dreams. My goal is to help people thrive in every aspect of their lives. I hope today's discussion inspired you and offered valuable insights.

 You can work one on one with me or on demand through one of my programs by visiting wellnessineveryseason. com

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One last thing to cover the show legally. I am a certified life coach and a certified parenting coach giving general advice. I have a bachelor's in applied health.

So I use that for the wellness aspect. So think of this more like a self help book. this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes. I am not a licensed therapist, so this podcast shouldn't be taken as a replacement for professional guidance from a doctor or therapist. Because I don't know you personally, I'm not offering you personal advice.

This is very general. If you want personal one on one coaching, go to my website, wellnessineveryseason. com. That's where you can get personalized coaching from me for you. I will see you in next week's episode. Bye.