Episode 72: How to Vacation from Self-Improvement

Intro: 

This is Episode 72. 

[Music]

"Welcome to 'Wellness in Every Season,' the podcast where we explore the rich tapestry of motherhood and wellness in all its forms. I'm your host, Autumn Carter, a certified life coach and parenting coach dedicated to empowering mothers to rediscover their identity beyond motherhood, find balance amidst chaos, strengthen relationships, and pursue their dreams. My goal is to help moms thrive both as individuals and as parents.

Today, we're diving into a topic that might feel a bit counterintuitive but is incredibly necessary: taking a vacation from self-improvement.

EPISODE INTRO

Welcome to Episode 72 of "Wellness in Every Season," titled ‘How to Vacation from Self-Improvement.’ In this episode, we'll explore why it's essential to occasionally step back from the relentless pursuit of self-betterment and simply allow yourself to be. We'll discuss the benefits of giving yourself permission to rest and recharge, and how this can ultimately enhance your journey of growth and well-being. So, let's get started."

[Music fades]

Key point #1: 

Picture this: you're on a beautiful beach, the sun is setting, and the waves are gently crashing against the shore. You've left behind your to-do lists, your self-help books, and your endless goals. All you have is the present moment, and it feels liberating. You’re not thinking about the next thing you need to achieve or the areas of your life you need to improve. Instead, you're just soaking in the beauty of the moment, feeling the warm sand under your feet and the gentle breeze on your skin. This is the essence of what we’re exploring today: the freedom and peace that comes from giving yourself permission to simply be, without the constant pressure to be better.

In our society, there is a relentless push to always be better, do more, and achieve the next milestone. We are bombarded with messages about how to improve our health, our productivity, our relationships, and even our happiness. While growth is a wonderful thing, this constant pressure can lead to burnout and stress. The self-improvement industry is vast, offering countless books, podcasts, courses, and workshops. While these resources can provide valuable tools and insights, they can also create a cycle of never feeling good enough, of always needing to do more, be more, and achieve more. It’s an endless race, and it can be exhausting.

Just as our bodies need rest to function optimally, so do our minds and spirits. Taking a break from self-improvement is not about giving up on your goals or neglecting your personal growth. It’s about recognizing that sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to stop striving and start simply living. It’s about allowing yourself to just be, to breathe without the weight of expectations, to find joy in the simple and the mundane. Imagine the relief of waking up one morning and deciding that today, you don’t need to achieve anything. You don’t need to work on your weaknesses or set new goals. You can just enjoy the day as it comes, savoring each moment without the pressure to make it productive or meaningful.

This kind of rest can rejuvenate you and make your return to your goals more focused and energized. When you allow yourself to take a step back, to relax and recharge, you come back to your personal growth journey with a renewed sense of clarity and motivation. You’re not just running on empty, trying to push through exhaustion. You’re approaching your goals from a place of fullness and peace.

Key point #2: 

Now, I'd like to share a personal story from when I first became a coach. Like many of you, I was eager to improve myself and my coaching skills, so I dove headfirst into the world of self-help books and personal development courses. I wanted to be the best coach I could be, always striving to learn more and do better. But as time went on, I started to feel overwhelmed. The constant push for self-improvement began to take its toll, and I found myself feeling burned out.

It was during this period that I noticed something troubling: my childhood trauma was starting to show up in my coaching. Unresolved wounds from my past were influencing my work and my interactions with clients. I realized that in my quest to be the best, I had been neglecting a crucial aspect of my well-being. I decided to see a therapist to help me dig deep into my childhood wounds and begin the process of healing. This wasn't about self-improvement in the traditional sense but about addressing the deeper issues that were affecting my life and work.

Around the same time, I began experiencing night terrors every single night. These episodes were so intense that I started to dread going to bed. It was as if my body was screaming for help, trying to get my attention. It became clear to me that my relentless pursuit of self-improvement had masked the need for genuine healing and self-care. My body and mind were crying out for a different kind of attention.

After several months of therapy, I joined a coaching book club. This group went through self-help books for coaches or those written by coaches, and it seemed like the perfect way to deepen my knowledge and connect with others in my field. It was great for six or so months until one particular book thrust issues at me that I wasn't ready to deal with. The combination of my personal therapy sessions and the book club discussions brought a lot to the surface, and it became overwhelming.

A few months ago, I decided to take another step toward healing by adding a somatics coach to my support team. This coach helped me reconnect with parts of my body that I had ignored for most of my life. Through this work, I learned to listen to my body's signals, to acknowledge and release the tension and trauma stored within. It was a transformative experience that taught me the importance of sitting still with ourselves and doing the deeper work that self-improvement sometimes glosses over.

Given the overwhelming emotions and realizations I faced, I decided to take a break from the coaching book club. It was the best decision for me. The break allowed me to focus on my healing and work with my somatics coach without additional pressures. As I wrap up my lessons with my somatics coach, I find myself excited to rejoin my fellow coaches in the book club, thankfully with a much different book this time. I feel more prepared and grounded, ready to engage without the previous overwhelm.

The point of sharing this story is to emphasize that sometimes, it's not about striving for improvement but about healing. It's about giving ourselves permission to pause, to sit with our feelings, and to do the deep, often uncomfortable work of addressing our wounds. Self-improvement can be valuable, but it's crucial not to let it mask the need for genuine healing and self-care.

Now, I'd like to transition to a mindfulness practice. This is a tool that can help us connect with ourselves on a deeper level, providing the space to listen to our bodies and minds without the constant pressure to improve. I will be introducing a tool my somatics coach gave me called voo. Let's switch over to this practice so I can show you how it's done.

[Music]

Segment: Mindfulness Practice: 

Let's begin by finding a comfortable position. You can sit or lie down, whatever feels best for you. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in, filling your lungs completely. Hold it for a moment, and then exhale slowly, letting all the air out. Repeat this deep breathing a few times, feeling your body begin to relax with each breath.

Now, let's focus on pushing away negative energy. As you continue to breathe deeply, imagine that with every exhale, you are releasing any tension, stress, or negative thoughts. Visualize this negative energy as a dark cloud, and with each breath out, see this cloud being pushed further and further away from you. Continue this visualization for a few breaths, allowing your mind and body to feel lighter and more at ease.

Next, we'll introduce the calming sound of "voo." Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, make the sound "voo" in a low, steady tone. Feel the vibration of this sound in your chest and abdomen. The "voo" sound can help activate the vagus nerve, promoting a sense of calm and relaxation. Repeat this several times: inhale deeply, then exhale with the sound "voo," letting the vibrations soothe your entire body.

Now, let's move into a grounding exercise. Bring your awareness to the parts of your body that are in contact with the ground or your chair. Feel the support beneath you. Imagine roots extending from your body into the earth, anchoring you firmly. These roots provide stability and strength, connecting you to the nurturing energy of the earth. Take a few moments to focus on this connection, feeling grounded and supported.

As you feel more grounded, shift your focus to your breath. Notice the natural rhythm of your inhalations and exhalations. There's no need to change or control your breath, just observe it. Allow yourself to be present with each breath, feeling the rise and fall of your chest and abdomen.

Finally, let's sit with peace. Imagine a warm, golden light surrounding your body. This light is peaceful and healing, enveloping you in a sense of serenity and calm. As you breathe, feel this light filling your body, bringing peace to every cell. Allow yourself to rest in this peaceful space, letting go of any remaining tension or worries.

Stay here for as long as you like, enjoying the stillness and tranquility. When you're ready to end the practice, gently bring your awareness back to your surroundings. Wiggle your fingers and toes, and slowly open your eyes, carrying this sense of peace with you as you continue with your day.

Thank you for joining me in this mindfulness practice. Remember, taking moments like these to connect with yourself and release negative energy is a powerful way to nurture your well-being. Let's embrace the journey of healing and find balance in simply being.

[Music]

Key point #3: 

Now that we've taken some time to ground ourselves and find a sense of peace, let's move into a space of reflection. With your mind calm and your body relaxed, this is the perfect moment to gently explore your current self-improvement journey.

Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to remain in this peaceful state. Think about the goals you've been working towards and the efforts you've been putting into self-improvement. Ask yourself: Am I feeling joy and fulfillment from my efforts? Or am I feeling overwhelmed and stressed? There’s no need to judge yourself or your answers; just observe what comes up.

Consider the ways in which you have been striving for growth. Are these efforts bringing you closer to a sense of happiness and contentment, or do they sometimes feel like an endless list of tasks and expectations? Reflect on whether there are areas where you might be pushing too hard or neglecting the need for rest and rejuvenation.

Remember that it's perfectly okay to take a step back. Rest is not only a crucial part of growth but a necessary one. It's during these moments of pause that we can recharge and gain new perspectives. Taking time to breathe and simply be can help us return to our goals with a clearer mind and a renewed sense of purpose.

Think about the times when you felt the most pressure. Were you trying to meet expectations that may not truly reflect your needs and desires? It's essential to reassess and ensure that your efforts align with your personal values and well-being.

You are enough just as you are. You don't need to constantly strive for improvement to be worthy of love and respect. Sometimes, the most profound growth happens when we allow ourselves to sit with our feelings and nurture our inner selves without the pressure to always be better.

Give yourself permission to rest and acknowledge the hard work you've already done. Honor the journey you've been on and remember that taking care of yourself is the foundation for any lasting change.

As we continue with the episode, keep this reflection in mind. Let it be a gentle reminder that your well-being is a priority and that taking a break to breathe and embrace the present moment is a powerful act of self-care. Now, let's transition into our mindfulness practice, where we can further explore this sense of peace and self-compassion.

[Music]

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[Music]

Key point #4: 

Now that we've taken some time to ground ourselves and find a sense of peace, let's move into a space of reflection. With your mind calm and your body relaxed, this is the perfect moment to gently explore your current self-improvement journey.

Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to remain in this peaceful state. Think about the goals you've been working towards and the efforts you've been putting into self-improvement. Ask yourself: Am I feeling joy and fulfillment from my efforts? Or am I feeling overwhelmed and stressed? There’s no need to judge yourself or your answers; just observe what comes up.

It's important to recognize that the journey of self-improvement can sometimes feel like a never-ending climb. While growth and progress are wonderful, it's also crucial to remember that rest is a necessary part of this process. Taking a step back doesn't mean you're giving up; it means you're giving yourself the space to breathe, to heal, and to come back stronger.

Reflect on the moments when you felt the most pressure. Were you pushing yourself too hard? Were you trying to meet expectations that may not align with your true needs and desires? It's okay to take a step back and reassess. Rest is not a sign of weakness; it’s a vital component of growth.

You are enough just as you are. You don't need to constantly strive for improvement to be worthy of love and respect. Sometimes, the most profound growth happens when we allow ourselves to sit with our feelings and nurture our inner selves without the pressure to always be better.

Give yourself permission to rest and acknowledge the hard work you've already done. Honor the journey you've been on and remember that taking care of yourself is the foundation for any lasting change.

Lifehack: 

In today's lifehack segment, we're going to explore some practical tips for taking a break from the relentless pursuit of self-improvement. These tips will help you focus on relaxation, joy, and genuine connection, allowing you to recharge and find balance in your life.

First, unplug from self-help media. This means putting away the self-help books, podcasts, and social media accounts that constantly push you to be better. Instead, engage with content that relaxes and entertains you. Watch a movie, read a fiction novel, or listen to music that makes you happy. The goal is to give your mind a break from the constant pressure to improve.

Next, indulge in activities you love. Spend time doing things that bring you joy without any agenda. Whether it's painting, gardening, cooking, or simply taking a walk, let yourself fully enjoy these moments. These activities can provide a much-needed escape and allow you to reconnect with what makes you happy.

Another important tip is to practice mindfulness. Focus on being present in the moment. Mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing, meditation, or even mindful eating, can help center you in the here and now. This practice can reduce stress and help you step away from the pressures of constant improvement.

Set boundaries to protect your time and energy. Learn to say no to additional responsibilities or self-imposed pressures. It's perfectly okay to take a step back and prioritize your well-being. By setting clear boundaries, you ensure that you have the space to rest and recharge.

Lastly, connect with loved ones. Spend quality time with family and friends. Genuine connections can provide a sense of fulfillment that goes beyond personal achievements. Sharing laughter, stories, and moments of joy with those you care about can be incredibly rejuvenating.

By incorporating these practical tips into your life, you can create a balanced routine that supports your well-being. Remember, it's not just about striving to be better; it's also about taking the time to relax, enjoy, and connect with the present moment.

Key point #5:

As we navigate the complexities of self-improvement and personal growth, it's essential to remember that perfection is not the goal. The journey itself is filled with ups and downs, successes and setbacks, and it's in these fluctuations that we find our true growth.

Reflect on the times when you've been hard on yourself for not meeting your own expectations. How often do you extend the same kindness and understanding to yourself that you would to a friend? Practicing self-compassion means recognizing that we all have flaws and make mistakes, and that's perfectly okay. It's a fundamental part of being human.

When you encounter moments of struggle or failure, instead of criticizing yourself, try to respond with empathy and understanding. Acknowledge your efforts and remind yourself that setbacks are a natural part of any journey. Self-compassion can transform how you perceive and handle challenges, making you more resilient and motivated in the long run.

Additionally, embrace the concept of "good enough." Striving for excellence is admirable, but it can also be exhausting and unrealistic to aim for perfection in every aspect of life. Allow yourself to be "good enough" in certain areas. This doesn't mean settling for mediocrity, but rather recognizing that doing your best is sufficient.

Take moments throughout your day to pause and check in with yourself. Ask, "What do I need right now?" Even if you can't fulfill that need immediately, acknowledging it and planning to address it later can help create a habit of self-awareness and self-care. This practice reinforces the idea that your well-being matters and deserves attention.

Lastly, celebrate your progress, no matter how small it may seem. Every step forward is a victory, and acknowledging these small wins can boost your confidence and motivation. Keep a journal or a list of accomplishments to remind yourself of how far you've come and the efforts you've made.

By integrating self-compassion and embracing imperfection, you create a more sustainable and fulfilling path to personal growth. Remember, the goal is not to become perfect, but to become a better, more understanding, and kinder version of yourself. 

As we move forward, let's carry this mindset of self-compassion and acceptance with us, allowing it to guide our actions and our approach to both self-improvement and everyday life.

[Music]

Segment: Coaching Questions

Now, let's transition into a segment where I'll provide you with ten powerful coaching questions. These questions are designed to help you gain deeper insights into your goals, challenges, and overall journey. Take some time to reflect on each one, and consider journaling your answers to get the most out of this exercise.

1. What is your most important goal right now, and why does it matter to you?

2. What are the biggest obstacles standing in the way of achieving this goal?

3. How do these obstacles make you feel, and what do they bring up for you?

4. What strengths do you have that can help you overcome these obstacles?

5. Are there areas in your life where you feel overwhelmed or burned out? How can you address these feelings?

6. What does taking a break from self-improvement look like for you, and how can it benefit your overall well-being?

7. How can you incorporate moments of rest and healing into your daily routine?

8. What does success look like for you, and how will you know when you've achieved it?

9. What daily habits or routines can you implement to stay aligned with your goals while also allowing time for rest and self-care?

10. How can you practice self-compassion and take care of yourself during this journey?

If you find yourself struggling to put all these pieces together, it may be time to consider some coaching. My most popular program is my 3-month one-on-one coaching, which provides personalized support and guidance to help you achieve your goals and navigate any challenges along the way. Remember, investing in yourself is the first step towards lasting change and fulfillment.

CLOSING REMARKS & EPISODE SUMMARY

Episode summary:  

As we wrap up today’s episode, let’s briefly reflect on what we’ve covered. We started by discussing the importance of taking a break from the constant pursuit of self-improvement to avoid burnout and stress. I shared my personal journey of recognizing unresolved trauma, seeking therapy, and working with a somatics coach, emphasizing the need for deeper healing and reconnecting with oneself. We also explored a mindfulness practice to help release negative energy, ground ourselves, and find peace, highlighting the significance of rest in our growth journey.

We moved on to practical tips for integrating rest and self-care into daily life, such as unplugging from self-help media, enjoying activities you love, practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, and connecting with loved ones. Embracing imperfection and practicing self-compassion were key themes, along with ten coaching questions designed to help you reflect on your goals, challenges, and need for healing. If you’re struggling to put all these pieces together, consider my 3-month one-on-one coaching program for personalized support. Thank you for joining me on Wellness in Every Season. Remember to take time to relax, heal, and be present. See you next time.

Next week I will be on    with Amandine De Gaspari and we will be talking about her struggles with anxiety, depression, and adhd. 

[Music]

Outro: 

Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode. I'm your host, Autumn Carter, a certified life coach and parenting coach dedicated to empowering mothers to rediscover their identity beyond motherhood, find balance amidst chaos, strengthen relationships, and pursue their dreams. My goal is to help moms thrive both as individuals and as parents. I hope today's discussion inspired you and offered valuable insights.

Stay engaged with our motherhood wellness community by signing up for my newsletter at wellnessineveryseason.com/free-resources. When you join, you'll have the option to receive a free 5-day guide called "Awaken and Unwind: 5 Days to Mastering Moms Life's Mornings and Evenings," along with free guides, special offers on my programs, practical tips, personal stories, and much more by signing up for both offers on the page. Don't miss out on these valuable resources designed to help you thrive in every area of wellness as a mom and as an individual. Join today and start your journey to wellness in every season!

Your shares, subscriptions, and reviews help us reach more moms seeking empowerment, so please spread the word about our podcast. Thank you for being part of our podcast community. I look forward to continuing our conversation, sharing stories, and exploring wellness in all aspects of motherhood. Take care until our next episode.

You can also work with me one-on-one or on-demand through one of my programs by visiting wellnessineveryseason.com/programs